I was the more deceived
by ajarntham
Summary: In the summer after Dumbledore's death, Harry discovers he can not only enter Voldemort's mind to find the horcruxes, he can control the dark wizard and force him to kill himself. With all the horcruxes gone and Voldemort's body destroyed, the war should be over. It isn't, of course. Diary format.
1. Harry Potter's Diary: June 16-July 19

**Diary of Harry Potter: June 16-July 19, 1997**

**June 16, 1997. **In case of my death, I want this recording, diary, whatever you call it, to go to Hermione Granger. If she dies before me. . . then we're sunk.

I didn't mean to say that out loud.

And now I see I can't erase it either. I'm using a standard – a courtroom dictation quill, so I guess that's why it doesn't let you erase.

OK, if Hermione dies before me, this goes to Ron. Then to Remus - "Ron" is Ron Weasley, of course. "Remus" is Remus Lupin. Then Minerva McGonagall – scratch that, next after Remus is Alastor Moody, then McGonagall.

Ginny, I'm not putting you in the list because you're not of age yet, not because I don't trust you or anything stupid like that, or . . .

Anybody in my list – Hermione, Ron, Lupin, Moody, McGonagall – I very, very strongly recommend that you share this, or the gist of this, with Ginny, and I require you, if you can require somebody through something like this, I require that you do so as soon as she turns of age.

[Pause]

I see that this quill will tell time, sort of, write down the three dots for a short pause and the "Pause" if I've stopped talking for more than, looks like fifteen seconds. I really need to start preparing better before I talk.

I'm going to try to put everything I can into this, which is going to be a record of how I'm going to try to get in contact with Riddle, to try to pry some secrets out of him using this connection. I don't know how many times we've solved things – mostly Hermione's solved things, of course – going over things that didn't seem important when they were happening, but we looked back on those details and saw that they really were significant, like who was Nicholas Flamel. So I'm going to give you every chance to do that, Hermione, Ron. . . everybody.

The way I'm approaching it is this. When I talked to Professor Dumbledore last term, a couple of things that really stuck with me were first, that he stressed how significant it was that Voldemort had given me the tools to beat him, and that included parseltongue but mostly the ability to share his thoughts, to see what he was seeing. I was wondering – after the end of fifth year, after Sirius died, Professor Dumbledore said he was going to teach me Occlumency himself; but he never did. I wondered why but I never got myself... got the guts to ask him. The way I figure it, though, he must have thought I didn't need it. And if he didn't think I needed it, he must have thought Riddle couldn't do that to me again, couldn't send me a false vision.

But then, if he couldn't do it anymore, did that mean the connection was dead? I don't think so. And why would Professor Dumbledore make a point of bringing it up, as one of my abilities? Here's what I think: the Professor thought it was possible that I might use this ability to find the horcruxes. That's the only thing I can think of. But he thought it would be dangerous, and he didn't really want me to risk it – or maybe, he didn't want to be the one to suggest it to me, to put the burden on me to decide if I wanted to risk it, because he knew I would decide that I would, I should risk it.

So I'm going to use this summer to learn as much as I can about legilimency, about bonds between wizards, mental magic in general. And when I feel I've learned enough, that I'm ready, I'm going to see if I can sneak in and find where he, what he did with the horcruxes.

**June 21, 1997. **I talked with Remus today, and asked him to help me find the books, and also asked him to put up silencing charms on my room, so I could practice some meditation chanting without the Dursleys hearing. I told him that it had to do with keeping Riddle out. Kind of a lie of omission. I also told him I was keeping a diary, and that I wanted it to be read in case of my death, so was there any way to put protective spells over it so it only would be read by the people I wanted to read it, and it would kind of take itself to those people if I died. He was able to do that, which was a huge relief to me. We talked for a while, about everything going on and about what happened last year, and what's happening with him. I don't know how much of that to put in here because it's his business and hers, it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the legilimency project. Anyway, he and I argued some, made up OK after, and he said before he went "You can be absolutely certain, Harry, that James and Lily would be very proud of you."

I'm bringing this up not to be a self-satisfied prat about it but because it made me think of how he taught me the Patronus charm, by using your strongest positive thought. And it also reminded me of how Professor Dumbledore said that Voldemort couldn't stay in, keep possessing me, because my mind was too full of thoughts like my love for Sirius. So if I'm going to try to get into his head, and if he discovers me and tries to fight back, or tries taking me over, that's what I'm going to need to keep him out, Patronus-like thoughts, like how when I saw mum and dad in the graveyard they said they were proud of me.

**June 30, 1997. **I think I'm on the right track. "Track" is the right word, it's almost like being a bloodhound, I imagine, at least the way I think of bloodhounds, following something that stands out to them but they couldn't explain, even if they could talk, what it was that led them one way rather than another. Still, I'm going to try. When I'm doing the meditation exercises it's like there's a separate world in my head which opens up, which has its own kind of space, not up and down and right and left but – I've given them names, like the books recommend. So naturally I ended up calling the directions "Gryff, Slyth, Ray, Huff." Easier to keep track if it's one syllable. And I concentrate on "Slyth." In Slyth there are directions too, I mean, like paths within the main "avenue" to Slyth, or branching off from that avenue. I started thinking of them as Fear, Pride, Rage. Then – Hermione, you'll like this – I got a thesaurus. Because there are so many different... tastes, scents, colors? of fear, pride, rage, and I was looking for some specific... lanes off of those streets. And it does help to have words to put to them.

In case it isn't clear enough, the fear, rage and pride starts – the "avenues" start, with me. It's in my head, I'm feeling those things. Maybe that's why I got picked as the one who fulfilled the prophecy, the one Riddle attacked. Picked by Magic, I mean, to be sure I had the tools to do the job. If it had been Neville, I don't know if he had – would have – a strong enough Slytherin side to make this kind of pathway to Riddle, even if he'd been the one Riddle went after first. I know what it's like to be so full of rage you can cast Crucio, to be proud enough to act like you're the only one who matters. I don't know if Neville would.

**July 2, 1997. **What I think is going to get me closer to Voldemort's mind, especially his thinking about the horcruxes, is fear of death; the kind of fear that's – back to the thesaurus – so overwhelming, it's _dreadful, unthinkable._ The biggest, baddest Boggart. For Voldemort it's death. That's why he picked the stupid name, after all. For me it's a world in which Voldemort won, has free reign, is unstoppable. I guess he'd be pleased to know that he inspired that kind of fear. Can't help it, and I'm not going to start trying to overcome that fear, just to avoid giving him the satisfaction, because I think that somehow the fact that he plays a part in my fears, he's at the corner of my "Dreadful Avenue and Unthinkable Lane," this is going to help keep us or make us connected, and that's going to help me follow the thread into his mind. Like Professor Dumbledore said, he ends up giving me the tools that help defeat him.

I just noticed that I've started calling him "Voldemort" all the time now, not "Riddle," and I think that's because I know on some level that I've got to think of him the way he thinks of himself.

I also looked again at that part I was writing – talking, I mean – about "Magic" picking me and giving me the tools, and maybe I'd better say what I mean and how I'm thinking about this, though it may come out sounding crazy. If there's a prophecy, and prophecies are real, it means I do have this special power, and I can beat him. So how could I have gotten it? How could I have gotten to be one in a million? And who would have been shining the spotlight on me as a baby so that Trelawney could see it and make the prophecy, then have the prophecy itself be a tool in giving me the power that made me one in a million? I don't see how this happens by accident. And if it's not an accident, it means something or somebody has more power than me, or Voldemort, or anybody, it can dip in and out of time. And he/she/it must _want_ me to beat Voldemort then, in order to arrange things this way. Either that, or it's just ****ing with me, with all of us. And I guess if anybody does end up reading this, it means that Magic really was just ****ing with me. So the point is... forget it, my head hurts.

I see the quill doesn't like _that_ word. How about "*****ing"? "****ing"? No, I can't outsmart it with the variations, the "rigging" and "ecking." What a clever ****ing quill you are.

**July 5, 1997. **I got my first real sense of the mental landscape in Voldemort's head. I was expecting all sorts of ghouls and monsters, but what I really see is a lot of stuff that – I guess the closest real-world – I mean physical world, I've got to say, it _is_ a real world; I can't let myself start thinking otherwise – anyway the closest physical-world equivalent is, there are things like mountains and mountains of callouses and barnacles that have covered over most of everything in his mind. Everything normal or healthy in terms of feelings and ideas. In a way that makes it easier on me because, horrible as it is to think of a mind that's become like that, it's not like I'm swimming through lakes of poison or tunneling through mountains of **** or any of the sort of stuff I was afraid of at first.

**July 9, 1997. **Getting close. At first I would try to track the _Death – Unthinkable _thoughts by looking for images like "Christmas Carol"-type headstones with "Here Lies Lord Voldemort" on them, that this would be the Big Bad Boggart. That isn't it. It's more realistic. There are flashes that come to him, just of a wand and the green light and then black, silence, but only for a split second, then he's holding Nagini, and he breathes again – in his head, that is, that's the image sequence. The Professor must have been right: Nagini is the last horcrux he made, he thinks about her first because she's right there with him. Actually it's not him holding her, it's the snake wrapping itself around his shoulders which is his happy thought, restoring him from the terror. Kind of a patronus in a sick way.

It's not me, holding the wand and killing him in his dream/vision/whatever, it's not anybody, it's just a wand. Maybe like "This is the judgment of Magic herself." Or like, nobody could beat _him_, so he can't imagine anybody behind the wand. Anyway it's real terror for him, even if it only lasts the split second. It's the same as I used to have when I had drowning nightmares, it's the blackness washing over him and swallowing him up and then there's nothing any more, no him, just the nothing.

So far I don't get any sense at all that he's aware of my entering his mind this way. I'm going to try to push it one more step, see if I can somehow suggest thoughts about the other horcruxes we know about, like the locket and the cup, and see if he'll reach for those as his security blanket after the flash nightmare, then maybe I could follow the thread back to how he made them and where they are.

**July 12, 1997. **No success yet, not even partially. Still just wand, green light, blackness, snake.

**July 14, 1997. **Still wand, green light, blackness, snake. Maybe a bit more frequent.

**July 16, 1997. **Still wand, green light, blackness, snake. Maybe more vivid. Maybe the blackness lasting longer.

Maybe I'm causing it? Wishing the bastard some stronger, longer, more frequent nightmares?

**July 19, 1997. **I think I may have just won the war. I feel sick.


	2. Harry Potter's Diary: July 19 1997

**Diary of Harry Potter: July 19, 1997**

**July 19 (continued). **I was doing the same exercise, trying to draw out more horcrux thoughts, different horcruxes, and -

First things first: "RAB," the locket man, is Regulus Black, Sirius's brother. He gave Hufflepuff's cup to Bellatrix, who's ****ing dead now and I'm not sure how we get it, which is something I'm cursing myself for...

"He," in the last part, is Riddle, not Regulus – I mean, Riddle's the one who gave the cup to Lestrange.

And the one we didn't know is Ravenclaw's diadem, which he hid in the Room of Requirement, when it becomes the big hiding place I used to dump the _Half-Blood Prince _book. I'm ninety percent sure the locket is at Grimmauld, that we were moving it when we were clearing the place up.

So, what happened today.

[Pause]

I was doing the meditation, trying to find the horcruxes, and I find myself rushing into a room where I see – Voldemort sees – his top lieutenants sitting around a table, and reporting on me. Snape is telling them that the Order is going to pick me up next Saturday, which is news to me but - never mind. The other important news from this meeting is that Yaxley put Thicknesse under the Imperius curse. I told Tonks that part.

There's more crowing about how close they are to victory – took a few back steps in the last few hours, didn't you, you bunch of ****eaters . He says he's going to take care of me personally – how's that working out for you, Tom? – can't answer, can you. And he needs Lucius Malfoy's wand to do it. He taunts the Malfoys about resenting having him as their guest, which is the first I knew we were – they were – at Malfoy Manor. Which I should have mentioned earlier also, along with the horcruxes. There are now about a hundred Death Eaters at Malfoy Manor, without wands, under oath not to escape – not to leave – for twenty four hours. Which would be [pause] about 11 AM tomorrow. It's, what... 2 PM now. If I don't hear from Tonks in the next... four hours, I'm going there myself and putting them all in body binds and I'll levitate them one by one to Azkaban, don't stop at the Ministry, don't pass Go, don't collect two hundred galleons...

Since I seem to be doing this in order of importance, instead of order of events, maybe I should mention that Voldemort is dead. _He can still come back, though, like he did last time, unless we destroy all the horcruxes._ Good, the quill can do emphasis.

Right. Riddle says he needs Lucius's wand, takes it. He, Narcissa and Draco looked like hell. Bellatrix does some cooing about how cosmically fortunate she is to be in Riddle's presence. So Riddle starts taunting Bellatrix about how her niece is going to marry a creature, Remus that is – her niece is Tonks - and Bellatrix starts in on what enormous bliss it will give her to kill them both and wipe out the affront to purity and family, and I think how much I want to apparate right there and wipe that smile off her insane face. Which I did, in a way.

[Pause]

Then Riddle turns to Professor Burbage. She's been imprisoned by some kind of spell and is hanging in thin air. He starts ranting about how she's betrayed the gospel of inbreed superiority, and Burbage turns to Snape – who's worked with her for years, known her for years at Hogwarts – and begs him for help. He just gives her that slimy, Snapey smirk. I decided then and there that I'm going to kill him, first chance I get. The rest of the stuff I was saying last month, how I wanted another shot at him, that was mostly bluff and bull****, but I meant it now. And I...

[Pause]

Riddle is about to cast the killing curse at her. I know this without being able really to look at his motions, since I'm still basically inside his head, looking out, but I know it. And I scream _STOP IT!_ No plan in mind, no real expectation that it will affect him. But he hears. And for a moment I can feel him "turning" to me, mentally. And I can feel that he's not sure if he should try to possess me, if it's worth the risk, he's undecided. I don't know what to do, still no plan in mind, but I form the image of his nightmare – the wand, the green light, being swallowed by the blackness – and I _push_ it at him with all my might. I have no problem forming it, I've been through it with him dozens of times by now. And it staggers him.

He's panicking now, I can tell, both because it's the panic of the nightmare and because it's something that I'm doing to him, like I can overpower him, and that's another boggart for him, that's unthinkable. So I do it again. And again. Now he's scampering around inside his own head like a cockroach in a bottle, absolute panic and rage. First he screams "Release me NOW!" and then I can hear the threats coming out as he's going through the hysteria, hysterical fear and murderous rage, like "I-I-I will k-k-k-KILL you, I w-w-w-ill" - I'm not doing the voice any more - "I will kill all your friends, torture them, make you see them, release me at once, at once!" He tries to send me the pictures too.

[Pause]

I was about to get frantic with rage at that, when I thought of what Professor Dumbledore said that my greatest weapon was love. It sounds off, saying that after I'd just basically sent him a nightmare of death, and it'll sound worse when you read what I did later if you haven't already figured it out, but that wasn't even really deliberate, I wasn't thinking "I will hurt you, I will kill you," I was just reaching for something to jolt him out of his plans to kill Professor Burbage. So now I thought as clearly as I could about my mum and dad coming out of the wand while the phoenix song played around us, and them saying "never doubt that we are proud of you." And that brought with it the thought, the memory of how I'd beaten him, that it was a mind contest – like the one we were having, right then – and I'd won that, I'd forced the little bead of magic back at him when he was trying to force it back on me. I pushed that memory at him. And Riddle fell silent.

I thought then about what he'd just been saying, that he'd said "release me!" Meaning I was in control of him, which was something I didn't fully recognize until he told me, that I had basically forced him out of himself and taken over. Partly it was hearing that, and partly I think I did recognize it on some level, because I'd had the experience before, of being on the receiving end, and I knew, through feel, how that worked, how it was done. Another favor Tom did for me; exactly as Professor Dumbledore said, he just keeps helping me defeat him. And I had to check that out, test it, so I said "Let me consider, now." I mean I said it through him. And he said it, said those words.

I realized then that the whole fight in his head only took maybe a second or so, because I had him look around and none of his people look surprised at all, like they would have been if their master had just been standing motionless for a minute, which is how it felt. I mean, it felt as if the fight had been going on for minutes maybe. But no. It must have seemed to them that Voldemort was considering what particularly fiendish way could he use to dispose of Burbage, that that's what I must have meant – what he must have meant – by "Let me consider, now."

I looked around, trying to think what needed to be done next. It was only now starting to dawn on me – this could be it, this could be the end of the Dark Lord and his fellows. As I looked around, I saw my parents' betrayer, and I saw Sirius's killer, and I saw Professor Dumbledore's betrayer and killer. And I never even thought of it, of not – of letting them live. Treachery, sadism... those are the real unforgivables, I thought. And maybe that's how I managed to commit three murders without losing control, losing everything. I wasn't really thinking so much "I hate them, they must die," I was thinking about who they took away. I don't know if that's much of a difference in the end, it's not how I'm feeling right now, not feeling very righteous. But at the time – maybe.

I ordered everybody out except Pettigrew, Lestrange and Snape. Nagini of course would stay, that went without saying. There wasn't even a raised eyebrow among the rest; I guess more because they were too well trained, not because they had no questions in mind.

The moment I was alone with the three of them, I turned to Snape. I hissed "traitor" to him, loudly. I gave him a half a second to react, and he didn't, didn't even try to defend himself. He looked at me with... resignation. That's how completely he was under his master's thumb, he wouldn't even object to dying at his whim, if Voldemort got it into his head that Snape had betrayed him, then he must be guilty. Then I cast _Sectumsempra _at his throat. He died pretty much instantly. I could hear Bellatrix laughing when I did it; she never trusted Snape, she felt vindicated. She was in the middle of a laugh when I turned and killed her the same way.

Pettigrew now was – his eyes were bugging out, he was trying to back away in super-slow motion; couldn't make a run for it because he was still desperately hoping that whatever reason I had for killing the other two, maybe it didn't apply to him, maybe I'd asked him to stay for some other reason, maybe I did it for his entertainment, or this was my way of saying he's being promoted. That's my guess, anyway. So I got up face to face with him and said, as much in my own voice as possible:

"You should have died, Peter, as they would have died for you."

I wanted him to know, before he died. More than Snape or Lestrange, it didn't matter that much with them. And he did. His eyes got impossibly wide, cartoon-wide, and he whispered, "H-Harry?" Then I cut him down too.

At this point Nagini said "you are not my master," and began hissing and half-lunging towards me. She couldn't bring herself to attack yet, but I think she was going to – she knew what a horcrux was, she knew she could kill "Voldemort" and he could still come back. I began _Sectumsempra_ for the fourth time, and now, for the first time, Tom tried fighting back against the possession, trying again to send me threats and images of horrible death for everybody. I needed to put myself back in control, so I pictured the certainty, the indignation, with which Ron and Hermione rejected any thought of leaving me behind because of any danger to them. I thought of how I could dance with Ginny at Bill and Fleur's wedding now, because that threat would be behind us. That was the end of the struggle, and I killed Nagini quickly then.

I rummaged through Voldemort's mind now, with no opposition, looking for the horcruxes. Locket (Regulus), diadem (Hogwarts), cup... And like I said, I cursed myself for killing Lestrange, killing her too quickly. He had told her to guard the cup, but hadn't given specific instructions on how or where, left that to her. It gave me feeling of defeat and frustration and self-doubt, which started spreading into other thoughts, which Tom tried to pick up on and magnify, but I fought back, put him back in his box.

We'll figure it out, figure out how to find it.

If I give the impression that I'm all happy and proud about the killing, that I'm only disappointed that one of them didn't work out quite right, I'm not. Like I said, I feel sick. But the diary is here to keep a real record or what happened, including how I felt at the time, and I can't pass over that. I don't feel like the Champion of the Light or anything, but I definitely don't feel "I'm just as bad as them, now" either.

The worst moment – I mean the moment I think I was at my worst and lowest - was right after killing the three, thinking "if I killed those three for what they did to me, shouldn't I also kill Malfoy for what he did to Ginny, and Dolohov for what he did to Hermione and to the Weasleys?" But that thought disgusted me, bargaining myself into the right to kill more people, so I dismissed it as fast and as hard as I could.

Then I heard a moan from Professor Burbage. I'd almost forgotten her, which doesn't say much for me since it was trying to save her which got all this started, you'd think I could have remembered for three minutes. That's about how long it took me to kill all three of them, and Nagini, less than three minutes. But... different world now, different world completely.

I ended the spell and let her sit down, then I didn't know what to do. I finally figured that I can't let anybody else into this, throne room – it was a small room on a floor most of which is like a ballroom, and this is, was, a dining room, used for that. What will I tell the others, the other Death Eaters, about what happened to everybody? I figured I'd wing it, they're not going to challenge Lord Voldemort or ask questions about apparent inconsistencies.

So I took down the anti-apparation wards, and told Professor Burbage to go, to apparate out. I didn't know if I should try to say it reassuringly, whether that would give it away, I didn't know yet how I wanted all this explained afterwards, would I take credit for possessing Voldemort? I didn't want to commit myself to that, so I didn't say to her "I'm not really Voldemort, I'm Harry Potter." Don't know how that would have gone over. Not bloody well, I'm guessing. So I was sort of in-between, not kindly, not sinister. She was paralyzed. Don't blame her, of course, after what she just saw happen, after what happened to her, couldn't expect her to just say "Oh, thank you" and go.

I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed her arm and – I was frustrated, upset, I thought, "I don't need this complication now," so I almost started side-alonging her before I had a destination in mind. I was half into it, so I just determined on the first destination that came to me, which was the Burrow. Maybe twenty yards outside their wards, which was close enough that I could hear the alarms start and some spells, binding and stunning spells, start coming at us. So I said to her "stay here, they'll come for you," and apparated back to the Manor. So Ron, Ginny, you don't know how close you just got to the surprise of your life.

[Pause]

I just spent the last three minutes laughing hysterically, uncontrollably, thinking of Voldemort standing there while the Weasleys came out, to investigate who the intruder was, and "Voldemort" would wave and say, "Hey guys, got any treacle tart left?" or "Watch how far I can toss this gnome, everybody!" I had to hit myself with a sobering charm, and it took me three tries to hold the wand steady enough. Jesus.

[Pause]

So things are -

S***, I should have told Tonks to check up at the Burrow, see if Burbage and everybody is OK. They should be fine though, really.

So things are starting to come together in my mind – I mean they were, then, at Malfoy Manor. I thought basically, three steps: disarm and disable the inner circle, the ones I just sent out, who are waiting in the ballroom; then I'm going to call, summon, every last Death Eater – ballroom's plenty big enough – disarm and disable them. Then I'm going to have Tom kill himself. The last thought sets Tom off of course, but we've been through this before, and this time the patronus-type memory I use is actually the one of Professor Dumbledore saying to me when I was going to apparate him back to Hogwarts, "I'm not worried, Harry; I'm with you." I guess I thought of that one because I'd just apparated. I put off thinking how I was going to kill him, but I didn't think having him turn the killing curse on himself was a good idea. Separating soul from body while the soul is being possessed... I wasn't sure who would get torn away, him or me.

But first I knew I had to deal with the inner circle, standing just outside. And one moment, I looked around at them, and I noticed Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix's husband. And the thought suddenly came to me, "I can't let him see that his wife is dead." I had a flash – momentary picture, of him saying to me, to Voldemort, "How could you do it, my Lord? Why? She was loyal to you, how could you kill her?" and I felt horrible. I had to remind myself that this was one of the people who tortured Neville's parents.

I was going to take all their wands, but what then? If I cursed them in some way, stunned them or body-bound them, that would be nullified when Voldemort died. And I wanted to put them through something, both making sure they didn't get away with it, that they went to prison, but also something, permanent. I wasn't going to kill them, but somehow I thought they needed to get... to be disabled, to make sure they don't go through the whole thing again: imprisoned, escape, go on a spree of torture and killing. First I thought, maybe I'll cut off each of their wand arms, or at least their hands, but I shuddered at that. And I hit on the thought of obliviation. I know that's one of the exceptions to the rule that the spell wears off when the spellcaster dies. So let them forget everything they ever knew about magic, about how to do a spell, everything from first-year on. Of course I couldn't have done that kind of thing, certainly not selecting just forgetting magic, without Tom's help, but of course he knew how to do just that.

I only now thought of it – why _didn't_ I just take away every memory from first year to now, not just the memories of magic? Let them emerge from the spell thinking they're about to go to Hogwarts for the first time, then I show them themselves in a mirror and they scream in panic... I guess while I'm at it I could have wiped everything from infancy, let them start learning to crawl. But I don't think I could have gone through with that. It's a kind of killing.

So I went outside, and there were fourteen of them there: the three Malfoys, two Carrows, the Lestrange men, Doholov, Yaxley, Rowle, Travers, Avery, Rookwood, Mulciber. I told them one by one to give me their wands and come in to the throne room, and as soon as they came in – I figured that as soon as they came in, before they could see or react to the dead bodies, I'd hit them with the spell, then stun them. Well, that's what I did with Lucius. But he had a glimmer of recognition and shock about seeing the bodies before I could hit him, and I didn't feel like going through that again, so I hid the three dead people and the dead snake under disillusionment charms before I got the others to come. Then it was Narcissa's turn, and I realized – I only realized when it happened, idiot that I am – that she couldn't see Snape, Lestrange and Pettigrew, but she could see her husband's body, must have looked like a dead body. She actually started to scream before I did the obliviation. So each of the victims had to be disillusioned after that. Seventeen disillusioned bodies by the end of it, three dead and fourteen back in childhood. It wasn't as easy as I thought. I mean, it wasn't difficult to perform the spell or to overpower them, but – maybe because of all the legilimency practice, maybe because of the connection with Riddle – I could get a picture – or maybe I was just imagining it? A picture in my mind of what was going on in their minds when the _Obliviate _hit. It was pretty awful. It was like you could feel something in their heads being shoved down and buried alive and struggling to come back up, and other parts of their minds trying to grab them and keep them from being buried, but like Riddle's drowning dream, they just were helpless. Something in your mind, even after being obliviated, _wants_ to be whole again, doesn't understand what's happened but knows something terrible has happened and something important has been lost, and keeps reaching for it. It made me think about all the real innocents who've had that done on them, Muggles who saw something they weren't supposed to see, and then had that done to them.

There was always a half second when they looked around in bewilderment, not knowing any longer who they were or what to do with their new selves, before I stunned them, to keep from having to deal with them, to put them out of their misery. Then I destroyed their wands.

Now I kept saying to myself, almost there, almost there, I can end this thing. I wanted to call every Death Eater there, and then I realized I needed someone with a mark, so I revived Lucius, took him out to the main hall and put the wand to his mark – he was almost hysterical when I woke him, obviously didn't know what in the world was going on or why his Lord had done this, and what could become of him, what was he, if he had no wand and... he didn't even say anything, and I didn't legilimize him, but there's no doubt in my mind that was what was going through his head.

They apparated in, dozens. Stood at attention and waited for my commands. I had the knowledge of how many, who had taken the mark, and they were all there except for a few at -

Damn it, another thing I didn't tell Tonks. There are four marked death eaters at the Ministry who have standing permission to ignore a summons if they're in the middle of Ministry business, and two of them were, they were busy and didn't come: Michael Stratford, Andrew Dimitrious. The other two weren't busy and came.

A hundred and seven all together. They're waiting for instructions. First I take all their wands, and I can smell the fear now. So what to do with them? I don't know if I can cast a hundred and seven Obliviation spells while holding onto control of Riddle. I thought again of cutting off all their hands. Then I thought of closing all the windows and doors magically, sealing them from the inside, so they can't get out after I dump Tom in the kettle, but again the spells will cease working after he's dead. I get the bright idea to force feed them all a sleeping potion. But as Tom knew, there was little on hand and it would take hours to make more, maybe not enough ingredients anyway for all of them.

So I'm standing there thinking what to do, and they're all standing there pissing themselves, and I settle on the idea of a magically binding oath, which won't wear off since it's them performing the magic, not Tom. Now I've got to give them their wands back, and funny enough this only adds to the growing panic, I guess because I'm – Voldemort's – behaving so erratically now. I thought of trying to bluff it through, telling them giving their wands was a test of their loyalty, my Death Eaters, and you have shown yourselves worthy of the blah blah **** it all. Didn't have the patience.

I thought how to word the oath, first I was going to say, Swear an oath, on your magic, not to leave until I come back for you. That way they're trapped forever in the manor, maybe we could make it like a zoo, put transparency charms up on the walls and have kids peep at them. Nothing the ****ers didn't deserve, or worse, I knew what they'd done, all of them. But something just – I didn't think I could go through with that. So I made them swear, not to try to leave for 24 hours. Another on-the-fly decision, if I had it to do over I would just make it "don't leave until somebody comes in for you."

Still waiting for Tonks to tell me if the Ministry has got them.

Almost there. All that's left really is to do away with Tom. He knows it, he's struggling with all he's got, and the way he does it, again, is to try to tell me how he'll torture everybody I love. Bad move, Tom. Very bad move. You think I'm in the mood now to be ****ed with like that? That only adds to the fire, literally. I call the house elves, tell them to get the biggest cauldron they have, set it in the middle of the room and start the fire. I tell them to fill it with anything they've got, doesn't really matter, basilisk venom or toad spit or anything liquid that will burn like hell. While the fire is building V "shouts" to me, "you won't do it, you won't do it, you can't do it, you'll feel it too, you're connected to me."

With Tom's screaming in the background, I announce to everybody there that "I'm about to undertake an unparalleled endeavor, worthy of my magnificence, one which will make me a hundred times more powerful than before. And generous Lord that I am, I invite everybody to take their turn in the Cauldron of Invincibility after I'm finished."

Wonder if anybody tried it.

I had him levitate himself over the caudron. Looked down, even from just a few feet above you can't see the liquid through the smoke and fumes coming up so hot and furious, the heat is burning his feet, my feet.

Took a deep breath. I mean, the real me, back here. Closed both our eyes. Cut the levitation spell. Fell into the cauldron.

[Pause]

I didn't break the connection until we were in the water, to make sure he couldn't magically get out of it, avoid it, free himself.

Oh, he was right, I did feel it.

I passed out from the shock and pain and woke up an hour or so later, and started throwing up, partly from the physical pain which was still lingering, partly because everything I'd just done was hitting me: the killing, the soul-meddling. For a moment I thought, maybe it didn't happen, maybe just a vision or a nightmare. For a half moment I half hoped that was what it was.

I knew somebody from the Order would have to be outside, on guard, so I ran down, ran out and started shouting for help. Vernon and Petunia shouted something at me, don't remember what and don't care. Turned out to be Tonks, which was the best I could have hoped for because she has the Auror and Ministry connection. I started telling her the story, only I said it was a vision, where You-Know-Who did all these things because he had gone mad. But she had to get Aurors there to Malfoy Manor to check. She was skeptical, of course she had good reason to be skeptical, thought this was a replay of the Department of Mysteries trap. I pleaded, I told her I knew the difference now, don't send a whole Auror squad at first, send one or two to confirm, take every precaution you can, there must be situations where you get a tip, there must be some way you have of handling that to avoid a trap, I would go myself just to confirm it... Finally she said she would check on it.

So, now I wait. Should write a letter.

To Ron Weasley: _Ron, did Professor Burbage show up at the Burrow telling a preposterous story about being rescued by Voldemort? If she did, it's true; I was there. And if it's true, I'm going to assume the rest is true also, and Voldemort is dead as of now. The rest I'll tell you all as soon as I can, but please send Hedwig back with a quick yes or no so I'll know if I'm going crazy or not. And if the answer is "yes," tell Ginny about the horcruxes, it's no secret anymore, and say, like I said, I'll let you all know the whole story as soon as I can. Tell Ginny I miss her. I miss you too, of course, but – you know, OK? Pass this on to Hermione, too. And please don't think too badly of me. I know I'm not making sense, but trust me for now, please. -Harry_

It's about 4 PM now. I think I killed Voldemort about 11 AM, talked to Tonks a little after noon, finished this diary about 3, wrote and sent the letter to Ron. I don't know how long to wait before trying to contact other people. When the news comes out, what will they say, how will they account for it? Will people believe it? And we still have to finish the last three horcruxes, before he can get himself a new body again.

Idiot, _idiot_. I didn't find out who else knew the resurrection ritual, or if there was any other way to bring him a new body. Maybe the first thing to do is destroy the bones of Riddle Senior, and any other ancestors. In case "the father" can be somebody besides the literal father. But it had to be somebody in the inner circle, at least it had to be another Death Eater; Riddle wouldn't have trusted anybody else with that kind of knowledge. So we should have time. Last time he talked about possessing small animals after he got blown up at Godric's Hollow. Took ten years to be able to possess a human, I imagine he wasn't strong enough until then. Maybe he'll have to start with roaches and work his way up to vertebrates after a couple of years. We should have time.

What are the rules of this, horcrux and wraith and possessed body? If he's still disembodied when we get the rest of the horcruxes, will that be the end? Is there a way to be sure? (Dark marks not being totally gone seems to be what Professor Dumbledore used, convinced him Voldemort wasn't gone, so I guess if they are gone completely, that's the tell.) If he's found some animal to possess and we catch him in that form, before we destroy them all, can he escape it and jump to something else before we kill the host?

**6 PM. **Tonks came: the death eaters are all in custody at Malfoy Manor, they all saw Riddle jump in the cauldron. And my presence is required - "not requested, _required_" - in Scrimgeour's office, right now.


	3. Harry Potter's Diary: July 20 1997

**Diary of Harry Potter: July 20, 1997**

**July 20, 1997. **The short version: Scrimgeour knows everything now. I should have known that an experienced interrogator like him could turn me inside out. I'm not really upset; actually I'm leaning towards "just as well." I feel a bit guilty about letting Professor Dumbledore down, since he wanted me to keep the horcrux knowledge to myself, Ron, Hermione, but there's not any point to that now; Riddle knows that I know about it, so we're not depending on sneaking anything past him. Assuming he's still alive on some level.

It just occurred to me that with all the stuff in this diary about "wait, I've got to get this down first, it's important," _I never put down what a horcrux was._ I kept talking about where they were – I mean, what they were contained in, and where they might be and who might have handled them, but I left out that detail: what it is. Idiot. I know why, it's because I've been talking this diary out as if – in my mind, I was talking to Hermione and Ron, and of course you already knew about that. Idiot. Doesn't matter now.

The longer version.

Tonks came up to the room by herself, told me about the Death Eaters there, being interrogated on the spot and waiting until it was safe to move them to the Ministry, because of the vow (which I was sure to mention to her when I called her in first) and how they gave their eyewitness accounts confirming everything I'd said up to Riddle going into the pot. I told her about Burbage, and Tonks said the Weasleys had floo-called McGonagall and they had brought her back to Hogwarts, she was OK. In fact McGonagall had contacted everybody else in the Order about this, and Shacklebolt had gone there, to Hogwarts, to talk to Burbage, who confirmed my mad story about Riddle going mad. Shacklebolt took that to the ministry, so by the time Tonks arrived with the long version they all had a little more faith that I wasn't just hallucinating. So my mad spur of the moment apparating decision seems to have been brilliant after all.

I asked about the ones in the inner circles, who I'd obliviated. Not that I said that to her. First she mentioned that they only showed up after the aurors had cast Hominum Revello all over as a precaution, which was good because I had forgotten to tell her that all the bigshots were disillusioned. Idiot. Anyway, they had been renervated and were crying and keening but not resisting. It occurred to me only later, that if I wanted to reverse the spell – the obliviation I mean – if I could do it, I would have to admit everything about being the one who took care of Riddle and the rest and how I did it. And I didn't even know if the reversal could be done. I decided to keep playing it by ear for now.

Then she said I had to come down, they were going to take me to the Ministry. I couldn't really argue with that, and didn't try. I found out when I came down that "they" included Kingsley and ten other aurors, and six of them (including Tonks) were going to stay behind to watch over the house and my relatives. I hadn't even really thought of that, about maybe some vengeance attack, which was good of them, showed they remembered what happened to the Longbottoms. I thought it wasn't necessary because there really wasn't anybody left to do the avenging, but I would have been badly wrong about that.

We were going to take the Floo when I remembered about the discussion at Malfoy Manor about death eaters monitoring both Floo and Apparation, and about the two death eaters still at the ministry, Stratford and Dimitrious. So Tonks asked if I was sure about the names, had I overheard them mentioned, and at that point I wasn't sure I wanted to let them know exactly what happened, so I lied, said they were mentioned when the plans for moving me came up. The aurors consulted then, among themselves, and sent a patronus message. I found out later that they were going to see if they could entrap the two of them by having them or their subordinates watched in their offices, see if they tried to record or report our arrivals, and to make sure that the Floo entrance we used was guarded. And if I had used the Floo yesterday, one or the other would have been sure to try to get the message to Voldemort. But Stratford and Dimitrious had seen their marks disappearing like had happened sixteen years ago and decided maybe it was a good idea to retire as Death Eaters, try to get through it by acting naturally, pretend innocence, deny everything. But they were made to take Veritaserum, so the jig was up. Still, if the Ministry hadn't thought of guarding #4, and if the two of them had left the Ministry and acted like the Lestranges and Crouch had, it would have been bad, very bad. So I was in a more forgiving mood towards the Ministry when I was taken in.

Scrimgeour had me taken to his office for the interview, didn't have anybody with him there. He asked me to repeat what I had told Tonks, about my "vision," and I did.

Scrimgeour confirmed that everything the aurors found when they arrived was as I had described it. He also told me something I had no idea about, that they had found several people in the dungeon, including Mr. Ollivander. I never thought to ask – by looking through Riddle's memories, to find out about any of the missing. Scrimgeour went on, said there was nothing left of Riddle but a skeleton, but there was no question from magical autopsy that it was him. It was about 7 PM, and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. He had some food brought in. Then the questions came, and they went something like this (my answers are hardly worth recording, they were mostly "huh" and "I don't know"):

"What do you think happened, Harry? You must have some sense of his thoughts and feelings, why he did this. . . . But just saying "he went mad" is no answer. Even the mad still _think_ they're accomplishing something. What could his actions accomplish? . . .

"He talked about a potion to give him added power, as you say, and as the witnesses confirm. But we analyzed the ingredients there, and it's pure nonsense as a potion: it doesn't have anything actively magical at all, for any purpose. It was just basically boiling oil. Like for torture. . ."

(It occurred to me then that this might have been a bluff, and I'm still pretty sure it was; that they wouldn't have had time to do that analysis. They would know eventually anyway, though, just one more detail I botched. Or they could have just asked the elves, and they would have told that "Voldemort" just left the ingredients completely up to them. _Did they even talk to the elves? _Is Hermione right, that they're just invisible to wizards? Or maybe they were under oath to the Malfoys, and refused to answer.)

"Does that make any sense at all? Have you ever heard of a wizard lowering himself into a boiling cauldron, no matter how insane he was? The only one I've ever heard of was in the old story of how a clever wizard once tricked a foolish wizard into doing this, by saying he had a potion to restore youth, and then creating an illusion that an old ram had gone into the boiling cauldron and come out as a young ewe. So who was the wizard who tricked Voldemort?...

"And the way he turned on his followers. If I described what happened, up to the point of his suicide, 99 out of 100 analysts would say: it wasn't Voldemort, it was an impostor, an enemy agent. Everything makes sense then: he destroys Voldemort's army. . ."

(No, I interrupted, it was him, otherwise how could I have seen it through his eyes?)

"True, and then there's the suicide... Then that makes it sound like Imperius. But who could have cast it on Voldemort? Maybe somebody with an invisibility cloak? . . ."

(I'm sure he could see through such a cloak, I told him; Professor Dumbledore could, Mad-eye Moody can... Hah, I think to myself, you're on the wrong track there, Minister.)

"You seem very relieved to be able to give that answer, Harry.

"Well, can you account for him taking Burbage away? If he's still got all these dreams of power, of the pure-blood revolution, like he was talking about just before he went in the cauldron, why preserve the life of the blood traitor who had committed these terrible violations of purity? Taking her to the Burrow, why in the world take her there, like he knew people there and knew they would take care of her?. . .

"By the way, did you know that she said Voldemort's eyes turned green?"

(Now _that_ definitely gave me a shock. It might even have been true, but I was still trying my best not to admit or even acknowledge or respond to anything.)

"Then there's the distinction between those chosen for capture and those chosen for death. If it was Voldemort who was really there and really in control of his actions, then why kill those three? And the snake; why in Merlin's name did the snake have to die? There's something here we aren't seeing, do you think you can help us at all? No? . . .

"Leave the snake aside. The three people, they weren't unfaithful to Voldemort, so why would he want them dead? And if it wasn't Voldemort, or if it was Voldemort under an enemy's Imperius... still, why them? Why single out those three? They're not the most powerful of his allies. They're not the most important, the most highly-placed. You know what they had in common?"

(And I knew what was coming, because I had thought about how Hermione would know instantly what had happened when she got the death list, and Ron maybe two seconds after.)

"They all were responsible for the death of somebody close to Harry Potter. His parents, his godfather, his mentor.

"No comment on that, Harry? No theory at all?"

(And now comes the part where I completely lost it.)

"You know, nobody is going to miss the three of them..."

(I thought again of Rodolphus)

"...there's no chance that you would be prosecuted for those three killings. There was one death that we do regret, though."

"What?" I said, "Nobody else died there."

"Unfortunately that's not so. We had a spy in the inner circle. Marcus Travers was our man."

"But, Voldemort didn't kill Travers," I said, "He just performed that obliviation spell on him."

"I know. And when we try to place a spy in Voldemort's camp, we are terribly paranoid of the possibility that if his cover is blown, then Voldemort might gain control of him, take all the knowledge he has about the Ministry, then use him to do God-knows what kind of damage to us. So we take precautions. If any mind-tampering spell is cast..."

"No, no..."

"...if any mind-tampering spell is cast on our agent, he dies, before..."

"No, no, NO!"

"...before anything of that sort can happen."

I was in so much misery and despair I didn't care that I'd given myself away. Obviously, even though I hadn't said "I did it, I'm sorry," the only reason I would react that strongly to the death of a stranger was if I felt responsible for it, and obviously Scrimgeour knew it. I looked up at him, ready to spill everything, and I saw what looked like the ghost of a flicker of a smile.

Wait a minute...

"You made that up, didn't you?"

"Yes I did."

You unbelievable bastard, I thought.

But I was more laughing than crying, when I was thinking that. I was so relieved, I hardly minded being tricked like that. I wasn't – I guess I can't say "I wasn't a murderer." But at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side.

Scrimgeour waited a minute, then asked me if I wanted to tell him what really happened. I was still a little hesitant. He said if I was still feeling guilty about killing Snape, Lestrange, Pettigrew I should think of it this way: I was a soldier fighting for the Union of Magical Britain and Ireland – I didn't have to to think myself as a soldier for the Ministry, he understands that I want no part of that, but I am fighting in a war for the people I care about and the ordinary people of Britain and Ireland. And enemy generals are always a legitimate target in war. So looked at that way, I've just carried out the most spectacularly successful operation in the history of warfare. The enemy soldiers all captured, their generals killed or incapacitated, their leader killed, and no casualties on the good guys' side! War over in an hour!

And when he said that, I knew I had to tell him: that it wasn't over. Like I said, I don't think Dumbledore would be too disappointed. Scrimgeour isn't evil, the secret isn't really a secret, etc. So, I told him. The prophecy, the horcruxes, Malfoy Manor. That took the better part of an hour.

And I did feel a little better about what I'd done, hearing what Scrimgeour said about soldiers and war targets. Not completely OK, mind you, nothing close to that.

When I got to the part about the locket, I remembered that I always carried the fake one with me, in Dumbledore's memory, and I showed him. Scrimgeour started laughing. No, he said, that's not at Grimmauld Place any longer, it's around the neck of Dolores Umbridge, who says it's a 'Selwyn' family heirloom. I was speechless. Then I remembered that Mundungus Fletcher had been nicking stuff from Sirius, and this must have been one of the pieces he sold. I asked why she wasn't in Azkaban instead of the Ministry, and he said if I had any material on Umbridge that would be useful for blackmailing her into giving up the locket, now was the time to give it up. Oh yes indeed, I said, no shortage of that. As for the cup, he said he was pretty certain Bellatrix would have stored it at Gringotts, and Narcissa Malfoy would be her presumed heir and she certainly had motive for cooperation too.

That created a problem obviously, since Narcissa probably didn't remember anything about the cup, since that was a magical object and I had removed everything having to do with magic from her memory. So I asked if he knew whether it was reversible. He said I could reverse it myself with a simple _Finite_, since I was the one who cast it. I said, But didn't Riddle cast it? Scrimgeour told me it was a very settled magical principle that a person who acts through another is the spell caster, not the one acted through. He reminded me that the stunning spells and disillusion spells on them hadn't worn off after Riddle went in the cauldron. I hadn't even thought of that.

So I actually could have just stunned them all, didn't have to do that oblivation spell in the first place.

I said I wanted to do that as soon as I could, but there were factors to consider, he said. If I went through with the reversals – I made it clear I wanted to do that for all of them, not just Narcissa Malfoy – it would be in effect a confession that I was the one who cast the spells, which meant I was the one controlling Voldemort all the time. Did I want that known? Because even if they all go to Azkaban, that's the sort of thing that might come out. And if that comes out, Scrimgeour said, you're not The Boy Who Lived or The Chosen One any more, now you're the sixteen-year-old who told the most powerful dark wizard in centuries to jump into a boiling cauldron from a hundred miles away, _and made him jump_. How do you think people will react to that?

And I started stammering, _That's not what – I'm not some – It wasn't like_... But I saw the point. (Later, Hermione suggested that after the obliviation reversal we could obliviate just the part about the obliviation reversal. If that makes sense. That part's still not settled, but I might dodge that bullet.)

We really need to make a decision, Scrimgeour said. The rumors are already starting to fly, people know there was a huge Auror operation today. We absolutely want to make an announcement tomorrow morning at the earliest. What do we say about Voldemort? Dead? Only mostly dead? We had been planning on announcing his death, but you just put a crimp in that plan. On the other hand, can we keep a lid on a hundred death eaters who saw him jump, and a dozen aurors who fished his skeleton out of that cauldron?

I was just too exhausted to think, and I tired of fighting everything by myself, so I told Scrimgeour that I needed my friends to help make that decision.

And you were all waiting outside for me. I thought it was magic.

OK, to keep this an objective factual recording, what happened was that when Hedwig arrived at the Burrow everybody instantly decided they had to come to Privet Drive to see what had happened to me: Arthur, Molly, Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny and Hermione, who I didn't know was there already. Tonks told them what had happened and took them to the Ministry, and found Remus too. They weren't allowed in while I was talking with Scrimgeour, though I think they would have broken down the door pretty soon.

I was so happy and relieved to see you all, for a moment I forgot all the reasons I had for dreading it. Because maybe ten times between the time I woke up and then, I had pictured Hermione, particularly, saying to me "Did you have to do it, Harry? Did you have to kill them?" There was no doubt in my mind that she would know immediately what had really happened, once she heard that those three and only those three were dead. And of course killing Nagini, which only the three of us could have made sense of. And I didn't know what I was going to say to that, to her question. Or maybe I wasn't going to say anything, just apparate away and go start a new life as a Muggle.

We went into a side room, thirteen of us. I didn't feel like keeping anything from any of them, so everything came out, again. At the point when I mentioned killing Snape and the others, Hermione said she thought it wasn't really me, that even if I was controlling Voldemort's wand, his personality was still influencing mine, and I wouldn't have done it if I was just myself. I didn't have the heart to say I didn't think so, I think it was all me, so I just asked "do you really think so?" in a hopeful tone of voice. But I don't think I can keep that up with Ginny. If I want there to be anything between us, I have to let her know the truth about me. And I'm afraid of the reaction either way. I don't want her to look at me with horror or disgust, but I'm actually a little more afraid of the opposite; maybe she'll have no problem at all with it, because all three of them got exactly what they deserved, didn't really get a fraction of what they deserved. Probably will be Ron's attitude too. And I don't know if I could stand that either, having her feel perfectly content with what I did. Just aef ucked up situation. There, got that past you, you ****ing quill.

It occurs to me that I've been saying how I killed "the three of them," never once counting Riddle. No second thoughts there. Maybe not even thinking of it as a homicide, because he wasn't human. Though I actually know more about Tom Riddle, orphan and schoolboy, then anybody else alive. Skip it.

So, the options we worked out, and brought up with Scrimgeour.

1. Lie. The Ministry got a tip, carried out a raid, they captured all the Death Eaters, and a) Voldemort was killed, or b) Voldemort fled. Keeps me out of it. Public might not buy it – Ministry which has been pretty impotent up to now suddenly all powerful. If it's option a), threat of it blowing up if we can't keep him dead; if it's b), maybe continued panic, Death Eater sympathizers encouraged. Scrimgeour mentioned that there are probably still people at the Ministry who never took the mark but probably would have followed Riddle's orders in the end. Names will come out during interrogation of the Malfoy Manor prisoners, he's sure.

2. Partial truth, but lie by omission. Riddle tried to attack me mentally, long distance, but I turned the tables on him, incapacitated him, then alerted the Ministry, who captured the Death Eaters. More acceptable to the public, maybe, since it gives a role to the Chosen One. Same problem of keeping both Death Eaters and Aurors quiet about what really happened. Same dilemma with whether Riddle is dead or fled.

3. Skirting the truth just a little, using Scrimgeour's original guess: I somehow got into Malfoy Manor under an invisibility cloak, cast _Imperio_ on Voldemort and the rest was what actually happened. Scrimgeour will give me a backdated license to use the unforgiveables, like Aurors had towards the end of the first war. Maybe less creepy than the whole truth. Leaves the Ministry without much credit, so...

4. Pretty much same as #3, except that I say the Ministry helped me get in. That will bring up the question of why they didn't send an Auror on the mission instead of a sixteen-year-old. Maybe could try to bluff through with some cock-and-bull "only the Chosen One" story.

5. Whole truth. Nobody seems eager for that.

Molly, Arthur and (a bit of a surprise to me) Hermione vote for 4, saying it's important that confidence in the Ministry doesn't completely disappear. Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Fred, George and Ron vote for 3: they don't really mind having the Ministry's uselessness exposed. Ginny votes for 1, and says the Ministry can just bloody well carry out as many obliviations or oaths of silence as they need to to keep my name out of it completely if that's what I want, they owe me. (Can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to hear her stick up for me like that.) She said, let them put my true role in a Book of Secrets to be opened at my discretion. (I didn't know about these until Bill explained it: a hidden history recorded by the participants under strong truth compulsions, warded to be kept unread until the need for silence or deception didn't apply any longer.)

I went with 1, which got me a nice smile from Ginny. A pretty big one from Scrimgeour too, when we went back to his office, but that didn't count as much.

The other thing we agreed on was, go after the three remaining horcruxes, fast. Maybe if they can be destroyed in the next few days, and if Voldemort hasn't been able to find a host before that, that will be it. We don't know, but we definitely don't want to end up kicking ourselves later, finding out if only we'd been a bit faster... "Kicking ourselves" doesn't come close to what I'd be feeling.

We finished up at about 11. Everybody said I should come back to the Burrow with them, but I said I needed to go to Privet Drive and get all my things, and they could come pick me up in the morning. I also wanted to finish this entry, which is done now as of 2 AM.

Hell of a day.

_A/N: The names of the Death-Eaters in the Ministry, "Stratford and Dimitrious," have no significance; they're entirely non-canonical characters who just needed naming. _

_The story Scrimgeour tells of the wizard who was tricked into leaping into the cauldron is from the saga of Jason and the Argonauts._

_Narcissa inherits Bellatrix's estate rather than Rodolphus because, although it's established from Sirius leaving things to Harry that a convict/fugitive can bequeath things, wizarding law (I've decided) doesn't permit a convict/fugitive to inherit._


	4. Daily Prophet, July 20 issue

**Daily Prophet, July 20 issue**

YOU-KNOW-WHO DEFEATED?

BIG RAID ON D-E HQ; RUMORS FLY

_London, July 20. _Minister for Magic Rufus Scrimgeour has told the _Daily Prophet_ that an all-out raid on Malfoy Manor yesterday afternoon has resulted in the capture of virtually all of You-Know-Who's servants and allies (the so-called "Death Eaters"). Other sources, speaking unofficially and off the record, have reported the death of the Dark Lord himself: some report him having been killed in the raid, others say he killed himself rather than face capture. You-Know-Who's death is not yet officially confirmed, but more than one Auror who took part in the raid said, in these precise words: "The war is over."

Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and – according to persistent rumors – the one named in prophecy as the Dark Lord's destined slayer, was seen entering the Ministry under protective escort early yesterday evening and being brought in for a private conversation with the Minister. Neither Potter nor the Minister gave any comment about what was discussed or about what role, if any, Potter played in yesterday's events.

Minister Scrimgeour says he will hold a press conference at 11 AM today, at which time he will present more details. The _Prophet_ will publish a special afternoon edition to inform the public of what the Minister says then, what questions are asked and what answers are given. Since You-Know-Who was believed dead for almost fourteen years, the public will certainly want both an explanation for how he cheated death, and how we may be sure he can not do it again.

If accounts of You-Know-Who's death prove true, and final, it marks the end of a blessedly brief war compared to the one which took place during the 1970s. In the former war, hundreds of wizards and witches died as well as uncounted Muggles before the Dark Lord was apparently destroyed at Godric's Hollow in 1981. After You-Know-Who's return in 1995, casualties were much more limited, in part because You-Know-Who was attempting (with the unwitting cooperation of the Fudge Administration) to prevent his return from being known. Still, Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black, Amelia Bones and others lost their lives during the second war, and initial testimony from some of the captured death eaters, as related by some of the Aurors who captured them, indicates that plans for an attempted coup against the Ministry were complete and that the coup attempt would have been made some time in early August. If so, then the Ministry's action may have prevented Wizarding Britain and Ireland from falling into a dark age indeed. . . .

"WE HAVE THE BODY," SAYS HEALER

SCRIMGEOUR: "THE WAR IS OVER"

_Daily Prophet, June 20 (P.M.) _Minister for Magic Rufus Scrimgeour announced today that You-Know-Who had died during yesterday's raid on Malfoy Manor and that all his marked supporters had been captured. Healer Jeremy Bode, chief pathologist at St. Mungo's Hospital, confirmed that he had examined a set of skeletal remains at Malfoy Manor and that there was no doubt in his mind that this was all that was left of the most feared wizard in recent history.

The Minister was stingy with details, saying the methods used both to gather information and to carry out the attack so quickly and decisively needed to remain military secrets. Among the information he did disclose, however:

* The Dark Lord was killed when his Fiendfyre spell went awry and blew back upon himself. The Minister noted that this dark spell was notoriously difficult to control, even for a wizard as powerful as You-Know-Who, and especially when under the pressure of constant mass attack.

* You-Know-Who had performed obscure, dark spells which allowed him to be snatched away from imminent death fifteen years ago, when his curse on the infant Harry Potter rebounded on him. Though he survived he remained in a badly weakened state until the ritual which restored him, as described by Potter in his eyewitness testimony last year. These death-defying spells required both a certain ritual – the details of which could not be shared, for obvious reasons – and an object in which the caster's magical power could remain. Potter and Albus Dumbledore destroyed that object, and thus You-Know-Who cannot be brought back.

* Three members of You-Know-Who's inner circle were killed: Bellatrix Lestrange, who escaped Azkaban after being sentenced for the unforgivable torture of Frank and Alice Longbottom; Peter Pettigrew, long thought to be the innocent victim of Sirius Black's treachery, but in fact a spy working for You-Know-Who who (as Harry Potter had insisted, to a mostly disbelieving world) had betrayed James and Lily Potter and framed Black; and Severus Snape, who had secretly been working for You-Know-Who while teaching at Hogwarts, and who had assassinated Headmaster Albus Dumbledore under You-Know-Who's orders.

* Over a hundred other marked followers were arrested and are now in custody at an undisclosed location where they are being interrogated.

* No Aurors were seriously injured in the course of the raid. The Minister, again, refused to offer any details on how such an overwhelming victory was achieved at essentially no cost, but said merely "the facts may speak for themselves; I will be signing the sentencing orders for over a hundred death eaters in the coming weeks, and I will not be attending one Auror funeral."

* Harry Potter did not participate in the raid on Malfoy Manor, although the Minister said he had made "absolutely indispensable contributions" to You-Know-Who's defeat. Potter was invited to the Ministry, rather, to receive personal confirmation from Minister Scrimgeour that You-Know-Who was indeed dead, as a courtesy towards the young man who has been perhaps the most persistent target and the most courageous defier of the dark wizard.

* The Minister intends from this day forward to see to it that all official references "cease using ridiculous euphemisms" such as "You-Know-Who," and to refer to the deceased as "Voldemort" or "Riddle." He extracted a pledge from _The Daily Prophet_ that we would include at least one such reference in this publication, a pledge we have now fulfilled.

The largest crowd ever witnessed by this reporter had gathered at the public podium on Diagon Alley in anticipation of the Minister's speech. The atmosphere was one of barely-contained enthusiasm, with party-like sounds and images emerging continually from one wand or another. Minister Scrimgeour arrived punctually at 11 and gave a nod and a smile to the crowd, which set off an outburst of cheers and shouts before he had said a word. After the crowd had quieted enough for him to proceed, he began:

"Today I am able to say, with great satisfaction..."

He was not able to continue for another two minutes, as the crowd broke out in a tumultous roar of celebration, before the Minister could explicitly declare the cause of his satisfaction. He was finally able to continue . . . .

INTERVIEW WITH DEDALUS DIGGLE, 7/30: A PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT

LEE JORDAN: We're back here on WWR, and we're talking with Dedalus Diggle, who has been sharing his memories of his old friend Albus Dumbledore and some of his thinking about the mysteries surrounding the events of the last weeks. I was starting to ask, Dedalus, why do you suppose Severus Snape didn't try to kill Albus Dumbledore earlier?

DEDALUS DIGGLE: It's hard to - we won't ever know for certain, obviously, but I have to imagine that Voldemort didn't give the order until then, because he didn't want to lose his spy. Or even, perhaps, because he still had some sort of lingering respect for Albus and was reluctant to stoop to this sort of underhanded business, the stab in the back, to kill his number one foe. I rather like to think it might have been for that reason anyway.

JORDAN: Which then raises the question...

DIGGLE: Yes...

JORDAN: What changed that, what made Voldemort finally give the order?

DIGGLE: I suppose I have to come out with my own crackpot theory about what's, what happened, since Voldemort's return. When you get to be as old as I am, you know, you've met all sorts of people in all sorts of lines of work, and I have known my share of Aurors, Auror instructors, the like. And a few people in the Department of Mysteries. So...

JORDAN: We should prepare ourselves for a bit of an action-mystery story now, should we?

DIGGLE: Indeed. Well, let's start with Minister Scrimgeour's rather... tantalyzingly incomplete comments about how Voldemort escaped death in 1981, using a dark ritual which involved a hidden object. The Minister said that Albus and Harry Potter had destroyed it. Now if Voldemort somehow found out that Albus and Harry were after it, he obviously would have been desperate to stop them.

JORDAN: They would be taking away his "Get Out of Hell Free" card.

DIGGLE: Yes; good way to put it.

JORDAN: How would he have found out?

DIGGLE: Well, the answer to that seems obvious, doesn't it? Albus, who was always so lacking in guile that he didn't see it in others, confided in Snape, and Snape told Voldemort.

JORDAN: Why wouldn't Voldemort order Harry Potter's death as well?

DIGGLE: Perhaps he did. But Albus would have been the first priority, since it is so unlikely that Harry could have accomplished that much without his help...

JORDAN: Now wait a moment, Dedalus, Harry has accomplished some pretty amazing things...

DIGGLE: Oh dear, of course I wouldn't for a moment suggest otherwise. I'm certainly one of young Harry's – a founding member of his fan club, you might say, as he would tell you himself. But if there was a kind of partnership in attempting to get rid of this object, it must have had some terribly advanced and dangerous spells on it, which we couldn't expect an underaged wizard to know how to get rid of, not even Harry Potter. So Albus would have been the first target, and perhaps Snape would have gone after Harry after if he'd had a chance, but he and his fellow invaders were discovered and had to flee.

JORDAN: But if all the spellwork had to be done by Professor Dumbledore, what kind of 'partnership' was that? Because the Minister did insist that both of them destroyed it, it wasn't just the Professor's work.

DIGGLE: Quite so, and here's the part where I have to admit I'm speculating, maybe a bit rashly. But as I said, I'm an old man now so I'm going to use my old man's knowledge and my old man's, license to go on talking, to spin a yarn.

JORDAN: Just a moment... let me look at that... alright, your spinning license seems to be in order [laughter], proceed.

DIGGLE: I'm going to start by stepping back a bit over a year ago. Harry Potter led a group of friends to the Ministry, they confronted Voldemort and a group of Death Eaters, who were finally shooed off by Albus, with the help of a number of members of the Order of the Phoenix. What was Voldemort doing there with all his allies?

JORDAN: The most persistent rumor, as you know, is that it had something to do with a prophecy located in the Department of Mysteries. That was where most of the damage was.

DIGGLE: Yes, but perhaps that's more because that was where most of the objects made of glass were [laughter]. I'm going to offer the suggestion... why not take the simplest explanation, the most obvious one? Why do terrorists and seditionists go in force, to the headquarters of the government they are trying to overthrow? For the same reason they were planning to show up at the Ministry this year! They were going to attempt to take over. Or at least do as much killing and terrorizing as they could.

JORDAN: OK, let's accept that for the moment. How much can you spin from that, starting... now! [laughter]

DIGGLE: Well, whatever Voldemort and the rest were doing there, I think we can concur they were up to no good. So the question that should occur to everyone is: what was Harry Potter doing there, at the same time? Why, trying to stop them of course, you'll say. Yes, but how did he know they were there, before anybody in the Ministry did, before Albus did, before anybody in the Order did? If it were a spy who knew the plan, the spy would have reported to Albus, or to the Order, or to the DMLE. How would Harry have gotten himself in the loop, let alone made himself and his friends the first responders?

JORDAN: How, then?

DIGGLE: I think Harry must have gotten it from Voldemort himself. He must have – he must've had, the ability, to see into Voldemort's mind, at least on some occasions and for some purposes.

JORDAN: Now Dedalus, in order to legilimize somebody not only without eye contact, but from hundreds of miles away, you would have to be the God of Sorcery.

DIGGLE: No, it wouldn't be legilimency, not in the ordinary sense. It would be a special, personal connection. You were at Hogwarts during the Triwizard Tournament, so you know about the things the Skeeter woman wrote about Harry having visions. And we know that Cornelius Fudge, that disgraceful man, tried to make all sorts of bubotuber pus out of it, that Harry saw Voldemort return in a vision. But what if these reports were true, or at least had a basis in truth? What if he was really sensing Voldemort, from long distance? Could see what he was doing, when he was doing it?

JORDAN: Then Harry would be the ultimate spy.

DIGGLE: I think he was. I think he found out last year about the plot against the Ministry, contacted Albus-

JORDAN: But Professor Dumbledore was in hiding at the time, he'd been sacked as Headmaster and was a wanted man.

DIGGLE: Oh, he must have left Harry some way to contact him. They were always so close – the leader of the light and his heir, his protege – and they both knew how vital it was to be able to stay in touch.

And if I'm right about Harry's unique ability, I think that's why the Minister said, "Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore" destroyed Voldemort's ritual object, because Harry was the one who discovered where it was. Albus was probably the only one who could destroy it, once it was found, and Harry was the only one who could find it, because he could overhear Voldemort's thoughts.

JORDAN: If he could do that, though, just pluck a thought out of the dark wanker's head at will -

DIGGLE: But I don't think it was, I don't think it was something he could just call on at will. I think it must have been special circumstances, special effort, both. We know Harry was taking private lessons with Albus all last year, and nobody has said a word about what they were. Doesn't it make sense, that this or something like this was the secret weapon, and Albus was helping Harry refine it? If Harry had this ability, I imagine Albus would have been the first one he would turn to, for help, for some explanation, to be assured he wasn't going mad. And maybe this is how the dark forces were just defeated.

JORDAN: Yes! Of course! AHAH! - No, sorry, don't know what you're on about [laughter].

DIGGLE: Very well, to set that aforementioned yarn spinning... We all wonder how the Ministry could have achieved such an overwhelming victory against such terrible, terribly skilled, adversaries. And throughout history, these victories always count on complete surprise, first of all. Hit the enemy with everything you've got before they have a chance to coordinate, before they can raise their wands, ideally.

JORDAN: But before the Aurors could have surprised Voldie and the Death Eaters, they had to get into a headquarters which was unplottable and under Fidelius and I suppose under anti-apparation wards and Merlin knows what else.

DIGGLE: Which would have made the element of surprise that much more powerful when they did. None of them would have expected the Aurors could get in, they probably didn't even have a plan for countering such an attack, because, why bother? The thing is impossible, after all. But what if you have a spy – the ultimate spy – who knows the location, can get past Fidelius, because the secret-keeper has told him – without realizing it, naturally.

JORDAN: Yes! Of course! For real this time! [laughter]

DIGGLE: So now the last barrier is getting past the anti-apparation wards, which I'm sure were very formidable. But they have to come down when you're bringing people in for a, for a conspiracy, a plot, when you need to give them their apparating orders. And if you could literally be watching as the spell was cast to bring the wards down...

JORDAN: Then it's olly-olly-oxenfree.

DIGGLE: I thought it was only us old duffers who knew that phrase! But yes, then virtually every Auror and Hit Wizard in Britain and Ireland apparates in, and they overwhelm the place. Maybe twenty go after Voldemort, and no matter how powerful a wizard he is, he is not going to come out on top against those odds. I have no difficulty at all believing he turned to Fiendfyre in desperation, and that's a difficult spell to control any time, but while you're being harried by twenty skilled foes? Not a chance. Merlin himself couldn't manage it. Meanwhile, perhaps thirty other Aurors go after the Death Eaters, three of them are killed and the rest surrender, and -

JORDAN: But Dedalus, there were over a hundred Death Eaters captured.

DIGGLE: Ah, now you want to look carefully at the Minister's announcement: he didn't say a hundred Death Eaters were captured at Malfoy Manor, he said there was a raid on Malfoy Manor which, quote, "resulted in the capture", unquote, of all these Death Eaters. I think the inner circle was there, and they were _about_ to bring the others in, but the Aurors jumped in before they could be called. But there may have been a way of knowing who these, who the Death Eaters were, or confirming the ones they already suspected. Some kind of master list. Some rapid interrogation with Veritaserum. Something along those lines. So after things are wrapped up at Malfoy Manor, they go door to door and pick up the hundred, one by one. Maybe that's what was happening all afternoon, before the Minister gave his preliminary announcement.

Or, another way it might have happened: Voldemort, you know, called his followers by pressing his wand to the mark on another follower, one who was already present and accounted for. Maybe it didn't need to be Voldemort, maybe it's just a power of the wand itself. And if the wand was still intact – because wands can often survive even Fiendfyre – then the Aurors have the wand, and...

JORDAN: "All right, gents, which one of you wants to be the first to cooperate with the Ministry and let us use your arm for some law enforcement business? For... let's say, five years off your Azkaban sentence? Crabbe, very good, come over here. No, Crabbe, the _other_ arm." [laughter]

DIGGLE: Yes, something like that. Or perhaps not quite so voluntary. If, that is, there's a way of calling only one, or a few at a time, so they don't have to take on – obviously, they wouldn't do it if all hundred were going to show up at once. That would have been olly-olly-oxenfree in reverse.

JORDAN: Well, as long as we're spinning the yarn, let's have it that way. It's a better story, imagining the looks on their faces when they come rushing to the call of their Master, and then it's, "Helas, j'ai m'apparater dans le merde!" [laughter]

But, Dedalus, there are still a few problems here. The Aurors have to be on standby, ready for Harry to give the word that the wards are about to come down, because the window of opportunity might literally be a couple of seconds.

DIGGLE: I think they were. I think there must have been a standing procedure that whenever Harry had one of these visions, or could produce one of these visions, either he would instantly apparate to the Ministry, or – I think this is more likely – he would send a signal for the Auror force to meet him at some spot outside Malfoy Manor, and wait for the wards to be brought down. I'm certain they practiced this many times, war games; it's simply not possible to get this right on the first try. That's something my sources are unanimous about.

JORDAN: And everybody who reads the _Daily Prophet_, or who listens to gossip, is going to shake their head and say, "But Harry was still feuding with the Ministry, he didn't even want to be seen in the same photograph with Scrimgeour, how -"

DIGGLE: Worked brilliantly, didn't it?

JORDAN: So you think it was...

DIGGLE: Disinformation. Disinformation, plain and simple. Or, hidden and crooked, rather. You know that your best, maybe your only chance is to use a secret weapon in a plan which requires the closest possible cooperation between young Harry and the law enforcement power of the Ministry. You cannot under any circumstances allow this secret to come out. What do you do? You throw dust in the enemy's eyes, you distract them from even thinking about the possibility of any such plan. You let it out that Harry can't stand the Minister and wants nothing to do with the Ministry.

JORDAN: I don't know, Dedalus. Fred and George Weasley told me they saw Minister Scrimgeour try to get Harry to talk with him, just to go for a short walk, and that when they came back they were both red-faced with anger. Maybe Scrimgeour is that good an actor, but Harry?

DIGGLE: I'm sure it was very much against his nature, because he is such an honest and open young man. And I'm sure the suggestion must have come from the Minister, and that Harry would have been reluctant. But really, when you consider what was at stake, I imagine Harry would have very quickly seen that his scruples would just need to bend a little. A white lie, after all, in the most literal sense of the word. And I imagine you would have shared the story with others, of the angry looks exchanged between Harry and Rufus, as Fred and George shared the story with you?

LEE JORDAN: Nobody! Well, except for my family. And Alicia. And Alicia's cousin. And... [laughter].

DIGGLE: And there you have it.

LEE JORDAN: Well, Harry, if you're listening I just want you to know, if Dedalus here has it right, and you were pranking all of us... You got us good, this time, but we'll have to turn your hair green or something, just to keep up our reputation, but... no, honestly, for real, thanks, mate, for everything. Bless you.

[Pause]

DIGGLE: And let me add my "Amen" to that. We've all been blessed, more than we know, to have had such a man as Albus looking after us all these years, and I think we're almost equally fortunate to have a man like Harry coming up now.

LEE JORDAN: Not a man yet, technically. He'll be seventeen tomorrow.

DIGGLE: Hard to believe.

LEE JORDAN: Yes, after all he's been through, you'd think he's at least seventy-seven.

DIGGLE: No, actually, I was thinking, I feel as if it was only yesterday that I saw him in knee pants with his aunt in Surrey.

LEE JORDAN: Did you get a picture? 'Cause we'd love to have that picture. [Laughter] . . .


	5. Harry Potter's Diary: July 21-July 23

**July 21. **Woke up this morning and Dumbledore's wand was lying on my desk.

I almost passed it over, since I was still mostly asleep and rushing to pack everything for the move to the Burrow. It was right next to you, Dear Diary, and it snapped me fully awake when it finally hit me what it was. I didn't know at first whether or not to touch it. I thought I could hear Dumbledore imitating Ollivander, saying "Go on, Harry, give it a wave." So I did, and it was like... don't know how to put it exactly, something like a silent peal of thunder if that makes any sense. Then I realized I probably shouldn't be casting spells before the 31st, then I re-realized the Ministry wasn't going to make any trouble about that now, were they? And the first thought that came to me was to try some transfiguration, since that was Dumbledore's special area, and it came through perfectly, better than I had ever managed in class: I turned an old pen into a vase with a lily in it, and another into a statuette of an antelope.

What was he thinking, what did he want me to do? He must have had this arranged in case he died, that the wand would come to me, though nobody at the Burrow seemed to know any spell which would do that. If he thought it would make some kind of difference in the fight against Riddle, why not have it sent to me as soon as I was back at Privet Drive, or even at Hogwarts, after he, didn't need it any more? Or if it had something to do with the trace, and not being able to use magic underage, why not after July 31, when I came of age? It ends up this way looking like some kind of reward for beating Riddle, which just isn't like – isn't the kind of thing I can imagine the Professor doing, some kind of "only if you prove yourself worthy" thing; and if I know anything about him, that just wouldn't be his way at all.

So I'm out of Privet Drive, and the Dursleys are out of things for good now. Hestia let them know that it looked like the danger was over so they wouldn't have to leave after all; she thought that would make them happy, but naturally it just made them suspicious that there was some sort of double reverse deception going on: they were saying it was safe because even though it **was** safe, they knew that if the witches **told** them it was safe, they would think they were lying, that it **wasn't** safe, and so they would leave, which was the witches' plan all along, to get them out... They were still shouting when Mr. Weasley apparated me to the Burrow. Maybe I'll check whether they stayed, or they left, or they're still arguing. In ten years or so.

First stop after the Burrow was to Floo to Hogwarts. We picked up the Ravenclaw diadem, no problem; Riddle's memories gave me the exact location. Scrimgeour said he should be able to get the locket from Umbridge today, he'll let us know tomorrow. The only hard one will be the cup in Lestrange's vault, and for that we'll need Narcissa Malfoy, but she's definitely got motive to cooperate. Might be able to have all three by the 23rd.

Hermione tells us that she has the book Riddle got the idea about horcruxes from: it's called _Secrets of the Darkest Art_, and she summoned it from Professor Dumbledore's office after, he was murdered, I shouldn't be so squeamish about saying that he's dead, it's ridiculous. He was killed, Snape killed him. Anyway, good idea as always from Hermione, but there wasn't anything there which seemed to tell us anything crucial; nothing the Professor hadn't already shared.

I'm not going to make this a real day-by-day diary, just things related to Riddle's horcruxes, or the death eaters, or what happened at Malfoy Manor. We were debating how much to put into this diary, whether to keep writing at all for that matter. Hermione thinks this might be therapeutic, which got some moans and groans from Ron and Ginny and me, but I told her I'd think it over. At least I'm going to put in enough so that if there's anything odd about my mood, like some day I go berserk and we later find out that what's left of Riddle was doing something, we can match that up later. But today, even though I know there are still horcruxes to get rid of and the final bit to dispose of somehow, by the end of the day I was mostly thinking about how good it was to be with everybody, and looking forward to Bill and Fleur's wedding. Anyway, I'll wrap up every day with a quick, mood thermometer. With "one" being a dementor attack, and "ten" being a symphony of phoenix song, I'll call today an eight.

** July 22 – morning. **Not going to be an 8 today. I had a nightmare where I'm standing over Snape's dead body, when suddenly it's not Snape, it's Sirius. So I start screaming like a girl, and I turn to Dumbledore – Dumbledore is suddenly there – and I say 'This was you, wasn't it, you changed Sirius to look like Snape so I would kill him! Why? Why did you do it?' And Dumbledore doesn't say anything, he just sighs and shakes his head sadly back and forth, and then he says 'Oh, Harry'. I get furious and grab his throat and try choking him, but it's like he's a ghost, it has no effect at all, he just goes on sighing and shaking his head and saying 'Oh, Harry.' That's when I woke up.

Hermione, if you get this diary: you'll have to figure out what it meant, or what I was trying to tell myself on a subconscious level, because I've decided I'm just not going to think about it. Sorry, that's the only way I think I can deal with this for now.

** July 22 – later. **Scrimgeour arrives with some good news: he got the locket. And he's arranged for me to come see the Malfoys in custody tomorrow. I ask, a bit frantically at this point, Why not today? He tries to put us off with some generality, but we press, and it finally comes out: Lucius tried to kill himself yesterday, and Narcissa is hysterical, she's in no shape to be making this decision. Or at least, according to Scrimgeour, she's putting a good act of being hysterical. We have to try to think of a way to be conciliatory and maybe even consoling, keep her from having the "How dare you talk about this to me now" reaction, she might just shut us off for revenge. I don't know. I hope I don't have to pretend that I give a damn if Lucius dies. I don't know what the relationship was between them, whether she even cared about him or whether it was just a political marriage. I guess you can't live with somebody that long and be indifferent, even if it did start off as just a political marriage. I'd hate to go in with the assumption that she's nothing but a heartless Death Eater without feelings even for her husband, so let's cut the crap and get down to negotiating, and find that she really had feelings and I was the heartless one. Oh, and Lucius seems OK now. Maybe it was kind of a token effort to get sympathy? Maybe I shouldn't be saying stuff like that? Maybe – forget it.

Scrimgeour also had a surprise: Dumbledore had left some things for me, Hermione and Ron, and the only item on the list that made sense was the sword of Gryffindor, which we told him had to be a way of killing the horcruxes. Trouble with that was that the Professor didn't really have the authority to leave this to me, since it's Hogwarts property, but Scrimgeour said he was sure there would be no problem with our borrowing it for use when the time came. The other three we just had no idea about; well, one of them ended up maybe being something, but Hermione got a copy of a book of Wizarding folktales ("not 'fairy' tales," she insisted, there was an important distinction which she explained carefully and which I could maybe have half-a-chance of remembering and understanding if I replayed it a few times on a pensieve); Ron got a deluminator; and I got the snitch from the first match I played, which turned out to contain the setting of the ring Professor Dumbledore was wearing through last year, with an inscription "I open at the close." They all have to have some hidden power which Dumbledore thought would help us while we were out wandering and searching for the horcruxes, but I suppose he didn't want this knowledge falling into the wrong hands, so he trusted us to figure it out somehow. Well, since there isn't going to be any wandering and searching and hiding, we're putting that on the back-burner; I mean, we're not giving much priority to doing the figuring out part. Still, good to know he was thinking of us. Oh, finding this stone inside the Snitch was something I put off until Scrimgeour was gone. Don't know why, just maybe didn't want to get into the habit of treating him like he was entitled to know everything. I didn't mean that to sound paranoid or arrogant, but... I don't know. He's shown that he's a big improvement on Fudge, for certain, but I guess I just don't want to make him one of the... one of us.

I tried seeking Voldemort out, didn't feel anything. Doesn't mean he's gone, in fact almost certainly he isn't: Scrimgeour says the dark marks are still visible on the Malfoys and other prisoners, though much fainter, just like it was after, Halloween '81. Maybe he just needs to be in a body with a brain before I can sense him.

Aside from the nightmare, mostly good, so call it a seven. Got to talk to everybody, especially to Ginny, things seem good between us. Not going to give details, Diary.

**July 23. ** Got the agreement with Narcissa, got the Hufflepuff cup out of her Gringotts vault, destroyed all three horcruxes.

Scrimgeour had the three of us in a privacy-warded holding cell at the Ministry – "three of us" is me, him and Narcissa – they haven't taken anybody to Azkaban yet, trials first, which I liked hearing. Maybe just a formality, but better to go through it right. I hadn't even gotten around to thinking about Azkaban and the Dementors until now, when I asked Scrimgeour if we had to go to Azkaban. (Met him at the Ministry, Mr. Weasley escorted me.) He said no, and I wondered out loud what was happening there now, and he said the Dementors have gone back. I said to Scrimgeour "So what, their representative – is there a Dementor-in-Chief, how does that work anyway? – he comes in and bows a little and it's all forgotten, how they betrayed us to Riddle? 'Bygones! Let's put this disagreement behind us, back to work?' Or what?" Scrimgeour just pushes it aside, matter for another day's discussion, all that. And I didn't want to start a fight, and I didn't know what the hell to do with them either or do about them if we didn't put them back as guards, so I'm about to let him push it aside, when I remember: Stan Shunpike! I'm ashamed of myself for forgetting, since this is what I had the big blowup with Scrimgeour over. Scrimgeour says he's been released. I'm still angry at both of us, him for putting Stan in with Dementors as a P.R. gesture, me for forgetting.

And I realize this is _another_ opportunity I lost, didn't try probing Riddle's mind about how to control the Dementors. "Greatest triumph in wizarding history," how I handled it, right? Sure didn't feel like it.

Anyway, Scrimgeour takes me in with him to talk to Narcissa; Lucius is still in Saint Mungos, or so I find out when Scrimgeour starts by telling her that he's stable now, should be able to take visitors in a day or two. I wonder if that's a hint that she's got a chance to go free, but Scrimgeour kind of shoots that down, saying she'll still be here for some time before her trial and Draco's but family visits are one of the items on the table in exchange for cooperation. I'm a little startled that he's so blunt about it, but Narcissa looks like she expected that.

Scrimgeour is doing all the talking, and I wonder why I'm there. Starting "offer" from Scrimgeour is that Lucius does hard time in Azkaban but Narcissa and Draco get imprisoned somewhere without Dementors. Opening demand from Narcissa is that they all get pardoned. They both look like they're into this whole negotiating/demanding/threatening... procedure. In the end it comes down to Draco. Narcissa is willing to give up on freedom for herself and Lucius, but insists that Draco not serve a day in prison. Scrimgeour still isn't ready to give in to this, or he acts like he isn't ready, and Narcissa turns to me. "Persuade him," she says.

I get the feeling I'm taking part in a bit of theatre here, that Scrimgeour knew all along it would come down to this, and he knows it's not too much to ask to get to the last horcrux. (He hasn't told Narcissa what it is he wants from Bellatrix's vault, of course, but Narcissa can guess it must be something pretty damn valuable. The final agreement is that the Ministry can search any of Bellatrix's property, not just the vault, but Scrimgeour is certain it's at Gringott's.) And Narcissa knows that Scrimgeour knows... So the point – Scrimgeour's point, I think – is to get me on the record as part of the deal, as the one responsible for pressing for Draco. That's OK; this is the decision I would have made if I had been in charge, so I don't mind getting the credit or blame for it. So I say to Scrimgeour that Professor Dumbledore thought Draco was worth saving, that he was ready to put his life in Draco's hands in order to save him, and that Draco was ready to stand down when that treacherous bastard Snape came in. So I think we owe it really to the Professor to give Draco the chance that he was going to give him. Scrimgeour lets himself be persuaded by this.

The other point agreed on – the other main reason I'm there – is they get the obliviation reversed, all three. I'm willing to do the reversal, and so is Narcissa, although Scrimgeour points out that by gaining back their magical knowledge, Lucius and Narcissa become more of a threat, and so ironically they might get a softer sentence if I didn't do the reversal. Narcissa answers for them both: better to be in prison longer, but with their magical knowledge, than less time but without it. I think I understand, would probably make the same decision myself. She must feel like she's constantly reaching for something that isn't there, and that might drive you mad. I tell Scrimgeour again that I'm willing to do it for everybody, or at least give them the choice to have it done, under the same terms.

It only occurs to me now that of course Scrimgeour must have talked to her earlier and told her that I was the one – the one making Voldemort go through it all, pulling his strings – or else she wouldn't have known that I could reverse it.

Everything is agreed to and they're about to take the oaths when Narcissa holds up a hand. She turns to me and says "It was really you, then?" She's trying to come off as haughty and disbelieving, but she's not really pulling it off, because she can't quite look at me. And I think back to Tom Riddle asking that in the Chamber of Secrets, like "how could a mere boy like you defeat the greatest wizard of all time?" This puts a grin on my face which takes Narcissa aback. I tell her, "yes, just me; the son of a blood-traitor father and a muggleborn mother."

She's still got her hand up, like the "not yet" gesture to Scrimgeour – and I was expecting her to ask "how did you do it," and I was kind of hastily trying to come up with some show-stopping one-liner, but nothing was coming. (I was still trying to think something up after we left, and mostly it was the sort of stuff I would have been embarrassed about later, how my love was stronger than his hate or something equally pompous.)

But she didn't ask that: she asked, "Is he gone for good?" And she actually seemed to be hoping that he was.

We weren't going through the horcrux business with her, obviously, so I just said "Yes," as firmly as I could. And tried to believe it as I was saying it.

We went straight to Gringott's with the "magically-self-verifying" statement from Narcissa that she'd signed in the holding cell, and got the cup out of Bellatrix's vault - "we" means me, Scrimgeour, three aurors and three cursebreakers, none of whom I knew. For a moment I had a bit of paranoid panic, like I should ask for Kingsley or Tonks or Moody or Bill Weasley, in case they were planning to lock me in the vault for some reason, but I told myself I can't go through life like that. (Felt very relieved later that I hadn't, because I didn't even think of how asking for Kingsley or Tonks or Moody would have given away the Order connections.) It turned out to be pretty simple for me to find the cup, and the others to disarm the curses on it. I don't even know what they were – must have been Lestrange's independent work, not Riddle's – they just told me there was some nasty, deadly stuff on it but nothing they couldn't handle.

We went back to the Ministry, to MLE, to destroy the three. I'd already insisted that Ginny, Hermione and Ron had to be there and do the honors, since they had been part of the fight against Riddle, when others – hint, hint – had been sticking their heads in the sand. Same group of aurors and cursebreakers – I don't know how much Scrimgeour told them, but apparently these six people he trusts strongly, both with a wand and with being able to keep their silence. Also somebody from the Department of Mysteries. Part of me doesn't want anybody there but the four of us – actually I should have thought of bringing Neville and Luna as well, sorry I didn't; they earned a place – and part of me thought it was probably a good idea to have some expert backing in case something went badly wrong.

So there we were, with the three horcruxes on a round table along with the sword of Gryffindor, and nobody's sure who goes first with what. For some reason I decide that Hermione will destroy the Ravenclaw diadem as a starter, and she nods and takes up the sword. She lifts it, gets ready to cut it in two – and stops.

She had a startled look on her face, and was staring hard at the diadem, as if she was listening to what it was saying, but none of us could hear anything. But we get more and more worried and disturbed as _she_ starts looking more and more worried and disturbed, and lowering the sword, and glancing around at us.

And it was talking to her: only to her. She told me later, privately, what it was saying; didn't want anybody else to know, not even Ron, not just yet anyway. But she told me since I was keeping this diary about Voldemort and horcruxes, it should have the whole story about horcruxes and how they worked. So.

As soon as she lifted the sword, she could hear a voice – not a dark wizard voice, taunting her, but someone with a voice more like her mother, pleading; and it said, "_Wait, Hermione; you don't know the whole truth!"_

And I still feel the shivers when I repeat this, because... wasn't that absolutely the perfect thing to say to Hermione in that situation? maybe the one thing that really could make her stop in the middle of the swing. And the idea that there's some kind of magic that can bring that out, that can provide exactly the right thing to say to the right person, that is really scary. That's a darker magic than – maybe darker and more dangerous than the Imperius, which is really a blunt object by comparison.

When Hermione hesitated, the horcrux went on: _"I'm not a horcrux; my name is Ellen Wiltshire, and I'm a muggleborn witch who was murdered by Tom Riddle, when he was trying to make a horcrux, but the spell went wrong, and Riddle didn't even know it; my soul was lodged in this cup instead. And I've been trapped here for so long, without anybody to talk to until you came along, but I can sense that you're a good person, Hermione, and you wouldn't kill me. I don't know what will happen to me if you destroy the diadem, it's such unnatural magic, but I think – I think I'll be lost forever, Hermione, I think my spirit has been separated from my body for so long, it will just dissipate without being to go on. I'm so frightened Hermione, but this is the first chance I've had in fifty years, there must be a way for me not to be murdered again, killed forever. You need to act fast, you can't let the other wizards here take charge, they won't believe me, you have to apparate me out of here and then -"_

And at this point Hermione put down the sword, took a couple of steps back, and looked around at us. "Wait," she said, "just wait a moment. Please trust me." Of course we had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was, we figured, it couldn't be good; Ginny and I both immediately thought about the diary – I confirmed it with her, later – and wondered if we would have to turn our wands on Hermione.

Hermione turned to Ron, then, who was on her left, and told him – she told me this later; she was whispering in his ear at the time – that she was going to walk away, get as far from the diadem as she could, and when she had been gone for a couple of minutes, she wanted Ron to approach it with the sword, and see, hear, what would happen, and tell her _immediately _who said what. I didn't hear this at the time, but of course I saw Hermione moving away, and Ron taking her seat. The Ministry group were murmuring and scowling like mad and some were starting to lift their wands, but I managed to override them all and say I wasn't sure what was going on but I wanted to give whatever Hermione was doing a chance. Well, in the end Scrimgeour overrode them all, I guess. (Another marker? I owed him for this?)

Ron picked up the sword, approached the horcrux, and hesitated for a moment, looking shocked. Then he called out to Hermione, across the room, "it sounds like you; it's saying -" But as soon as Hermione heard "it sounds like you," she shouted "never mind what it's saying, Ron, give me the sword" and went striding towards him. She only said one word - "bastard!" - picked up the sword and hacked it in two so violently that the table split in half.

Hermione had been agonizing, because this story - it put her in such a terrible bind, because if it was true she had to do what the hor- what "Ellen" was telling her, but it seemed like such an incredible accident that this could have happened, for the magic to go wrong in just that way, and it was such a good way of appealing to Hermione's sense of curiosity and her sense of justice (she didn't put it that way, but she recognized that there something amazingly coincidental about this chain of events). So she thought that if this "Ellen Wiltshire" story was a clever lie calculated to appeal to Hermione's sympathies, it must mean that the horcrux somehow had the power to adapt itself to the one confronting it, in fact it must be magically "programmed" to do this, and it would adapt differently when confronted with a different threat. So given time and space to forget Hermione - "it probably doesn't really experience time, doesn't know how long has passed since I left it," she said – it would use its powers to try to get at Ron's weak spot, which naturally would require a different 'act'."

What exactly "Hermione" said to Ron, I don't know; Ron isn't talking, though we can all make some fair guesses, I imagine.

Someone cast _Reparo _on the table, and Hermione explained in general terms to the room what had happened, without all the details; but at the news that the horcrux could silently speak to her, the Ministry bunch seemed all at once to huddle together and start whispering to each other. I harumphed a couple of times without much effect, then shouted that they should share what they were talking about with the rest of the class. That got some indignant frowns, but did the trick.

Everybody was wondering whether there was some way to draw more information out of the things, trick it into telling us more about how they were made, what their limits were, and how we could be 100% sure that Voldemort was 100% dead. I said that only that last question mattered, and Scrimgeour backed me, as did Ron, Hermione and Ginny.

So the guy from DOM said he wanted a crack at it – at the Hufflepuff cup. Lots of back and forth about the precautions, and I'm thinking _this is a bad idea, _but it does seem like there's no way to take it out of the room with all the anti-apparation fields and anti-portkey spells, and the guy – Pattison, I remember his name now – says he's the man for the job, so we finally let him sit down next to it.

Maybe two minutes in, he's trying to apparate out with it. Splinches himself, the thing falls to the ground and keeps spinning. For a moment, while they're putting Pattison back together, the rest of us just sort of stand around hypnotized watching the thing roll. I'm the first to snap out of it, and I just grab it and put it back on the table next to Ron, who doesn't try to talk to it, doesn't let it say a word, doesn't hesitate, just cuts it in half with one blow of the sword.

After Pattison recovers, he tells us how the thing was going on and on about what a fabulous, unprecedented research opportunity he had in front of him, he couldn't let it be destroyed. And I could hardly keep from bursting out laughing, because it was so... "stand aside kids, see how an expert handles it! Oh dear, can somebody reattach my ass?" But I controlled it and said then that's it, there's to be no more effing around, and nobody dissents. The locket goes in front of Ginny and she takes up the sword and – starts talking to it. My heart is sinking at first, and the rest of us are starting to go for our wands, thinking maybe this is a replay and we'll have to tear it out of her hands, but I'm listening to the one-sided conversation and I start realizing what's really going on and gesture for everybody else to let her go on, let her... give it to him. Because she's saying, in what sounds like a very firm and composed voice:

"Of course I haven't forgotten, Riddle. But why are you talking as if that's going to work in your favor?"

"I can't understand why you were so perceptive about what would work with others, but so completely off with me. You thought that I would think it was 'romantic,' that I would 'cherish' memories of being mind-raped? Is that a male thing? Or just a teenaged-male thing?"

"Yes, that's what rapists like to say, that it was a 'special relationship'. Pedophiles especially."

"Time to try another line of bullshit now, Riddle? '_My family will never get past it, Harry will never get past it.' _Why should I believe you, and what should I do if I did believe you? First question first: we both know you've never told the truth about anything, so why should I believe you?"

"That's absolutely right! I should 'look within myself, and I'll know the truth!' So I don't need you at all, do I?"

And she brought the sword down.

She took a deep breath then, said "That felt good," and smiled at Ron and me.

I think I'm falling in love with that girl.

_A/N Well, why shouldn't the Elder Wand be able to seek out its master, like the One Ring?_

_It always seemed to me that the locket horcrux's approach towards Ron in DH - basically "Nyah, nyah, you loser!" - wasn't really particularly well thought-out as a way of preserving its own 'life,' thus my attempt to give it some better lines for Hermione._


	6. Harry Potter's Diary: July 24-Sept 1

**Harry Potter's Diary: July 24, 1997 - September 1, 1997**

** July 24**. Disappointment: Scrimgeour says the marks at Azkaban didn't fade any further, after we destroyed the horcruxes. Not unexpected, but still.

**July 25. **Trying to make contact with what's left of Riddle's soul, through the same exercises that got me into it in the first place. Nothing so far. Another 7.5 then.

**July 26.** Still nothing, not going to keep doing the stupid mood thermometer, consider every day a 7.5 unless noted otherwise.

**July 27. **Another bad dream last night. I'm up on some platform getting an award from the Ministry, everybody is applauding, and Snape gets up to tear it off my chest, starts berating me about my arrogance and stupidity and I scream back at him, "Oh, not like you, right? I wasn't _smart_ enough to be a Death Eater, I wasn't _humble_ enough to be the foot-kissing slave of the worst and filthiest murderer in the world," and now the rest of the crowd has disappeared somehow, it's just me and Snape and a sword suddenly appears in my hands; I take a huge swing at him with it, and start hacking and hacking at his dead body until Ron wakes me up.

Took me a minute to get my bearings and get my breath back, and the first thought I have about the dream is _It was just a dream, you know you wouldn't kill someone in real life like that... _and then I realize, I would, I did. Only to Snape and the others, though.

I blurt out to Ron, "do you ever use curses and hexes in your dreams?" Because I was suddenly thinking, _What if I hadn't used a sword in the dream, what if I cast the killing curse instead, and it – what if I really cast it, because I had the power and I had the intent? I can't be sleeping in the same room with someone if I've got these kinds of nightmares._ Ron says yeah, but it never carried over into real life. Never happens to anybody, he assures me; no record in history of anybody who could literally do deadly curses in their sleep. I say right, that's good, sure; must be one of those natural selection things, that if wizards really could do that in their sleep, their line would probably go extinct.

**July 28. **Still nothing – no sense of the wraith.

**July 30. **Lee Jordan did an interview with Dedalus Diggle on WWR, heard some nice stories about Professor Dumbledore, and then Diggle tried to play detective regarding what happened at Malfoy Manor. I felt half-tempted to send him an owl saying something like "Details wrong, main idea basically right," because he obviously thought very hard about this and I can see how it would actually make sense, could have happened exactly that way in an alternate universe or something, so he deserved to have some kind of acknowledgment. But then if I did that it might turn into a game of "warmer, colder," and obviously I don't want to play that. I _shouldn't_ want to play that, anyway. I just had a kind of a quick, two-second daydream, where Diggle manages to come up with the truth, to "get it out of me," and comes back to Lee's program and say, "I have astonishing news, I've had Harry Potter confirm that it was him, all by himself..." Then I'm kind of disgusted with myself. Better stop writing about it.

**July 31. **Best birthday ever. Weasleys, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Remus, Tonks, Hagrid in attendance. I expect tonight I'll dream of Ginny with the bright red hair.

Probably should have said this earlier – definitely should have written this earlier, considering this is an "in case of..." diary, but Ginny, Ron, Hermione, you can't imagine how much you've meant to me. I just can't imagine what life would have like without you, and I don't want to. Thank you.

As the party is winding down, Fred and George tell me it's a wizarding tradition that on the day you come of age you try some new magic which had always been too hard for you before. "Like getting the two of you to stop making up nonsense like that?" Ginny asks. (Prevented from saying anything stronger than "nonsense" by presence of her parents.) She and Ron definitely remember the "wrestle a troll to find what house you belong in" story. But I'm in a good mood so I play along. I've never had any success at conjuring, so I say I'll try that and ask for requests. The twins simultaneously demand an Acromantula. "How big?" I say, with a straight face; "and remember, I'm going to point it at you." After further consideration, the consensus is that I should try something more realistic; Ginny asks for a flower, which draws out the awwwwwws. I try, and I can see something like the outline of a rose flash in the air for a moment, then it goes away. Everybody says "nice try," and I promise Ginny I'll get her a real one.

Back in the room, after everybody's gone to bed, I remember how much better Dumbledore's wand was with transfiguration, and I get it out and give it a try. Without any great effort I find myself with what looks like a perfectly natural rose. I wait for it to fade, and it doesn't. I'm a little spooked, so I end up vanishing it.

**August 1. ** Wonderful to see the wedding, Bill and Fleur's, without worrying every moment about what awful things might happen the next minute, next day, next month... We all feel that Voldemort isn't really a threat any more – even those of us who know that he isn't 100% dead yet. Because it seems the most likely scenario is that he'll manage to find a bug or lizard to move into, but that I'll track him down as soon as he's using a brain big enough to form readable thoughts, and then we'll squash him and it'll be over. Hard to imagine why that wouldn't be the case. Even if it isn't, last time it took him ten years to have the strength to become semi-human, and he still had to find a follower who knew the re-embodiment ritual, so you'd really not want to bet on Voldemort. And the Ministry had all the bones of all his ancestors vanished, so there's that; the ritual he used is right out.

Hermione left after the wedding to spend the rest of summer with her parents, promised to be on call if there was any news. Ron actually initiated a hug and a kiss on the cheek when she said her goodbyes. Go, Ron.

**August 2. **I should have known better than to talk out all that optimistic stuff yesterday, because the gods got back at me with a hell of a nightmare. I'm writing down how happy I am with the birthday and the wedding, and then I realize that Voldemort is looking over my shoulder. I turn to look at him, and he smiles and says "Ah Harry, I see you are really _pouring your heart into that diary_."

**August 5. **I think I'm getting some sense of the wraith. I don't have any specific thoughts or any compass direction yet, but there's a sort of mental hiss of fear and fury I'm tuning into.

**August 7. **Definitely a growing sense of the wraith, and definitely a mixture, or alternation, of those basic emotions: fear, and fury, maybe an internal struggle over whether to act on one or the other. Maybe if he's possessed some animal, he may still be influenced by the fight-or-flight system of that animal, his emotions not fully human yet.

**August 10. **Fury is now the dominant emotion. Question remains of how he/it will try to make something out of it.

**August 12. **I think I got a glimpse of him seeing his own tail – a snake's. And I think he could tell that I was looking, and it doubled both the rage and the fear. Thoughts are not as clear as feelings, but I get some sense that it feels both that its existence is now hanging by a thread, and that unless it kills me it can't survive. Huh, reminds me of the prophecy, first time I've thought about that directly in a long while.

**August 14. **I don't know what to think. According to everything we know and everything we saw, this should be the end of it, but I really don't think so.

About 1 AM this morning, I got a very clear vision of the possessed snake going back and forth, approaching the wards of the Burrow and retreating, looking for a way in. I woke Ron and told him, told him what happened, to get everybody up, I was going to try to concentrate on keeping the connection going so I could track it – so we could all track it down and kill it. I think it sensed my thoughts or at least sensed it had been discovered, because it immediately tried slithering away, so I was up and running in my pajamas, tearing out of the house with everybody following. (As of now, "everybody" is Ginny, Ron, Molly and Arthur; Fred and George are in their apartment over their shop.) The snake was desperately trying to hide, did a lot of doubling back which let the family catch up, but it could tell that was no go so it turned to attack. It actually shouted – well, loudly hissed – "Die, Potter, Die" and made a lunge, but then a barrage of spells from everybody just tore it to pieces.

Now here's the thing I can't be certain of. I was pretty sure there was a dark cloud which came out of the snake's body, and I was trying to track that, but it was almost impossible – too dark. I was hoping I could see it dissipate, like what was left of Sauron at the end of Lord of the Rings, and that would be the sign that he was dead, it was all over. But – and again, I'm not sure of this – it seemed to me that it kept together, and flew off, this black cloud that was darker than the night, pretty much like when the wraith came out of Quirrell years ago.

So everybody is looking at each other, and starting to say "We killed him for good, then, didn't we?" "It's over now, it's really over!" "No more You-know-who" "You mean, no more Vol-de-mort!" and cheers and crying and everybody is hugging me and hugging each other. And I couldn't stand trying to raise any doubts, so I didn't, and I went along as best I could. But Ginny looked at me suspiciously, and I think she could tell my heart wasn't in it.

We couldn't go back to sleep, so Arthur left a message at the Ministry to have Scrimgeour get in touch with us when he got there, we had some important news. We pretty much sat and waited for office hours, then came the floo call and we shared what had happened. Scrimgeour said somebody would be by to pick up the snake for examination, and I laughed because A) there wasn't enough left of it to do much examining; I doubt they could even tell the species (was it even poisonous?) and B) even if there was, so what? At this point it's just a dead snake, isn't it? But they want to have something solid, or semi-solid as the case may be.

I said to Scrimgeour that what would really set our minds at rest would be if the dark mark was gone from the Death Eaters. He said he'd check on that right away.

He did. It wasn't.

**August 15. **So, we're just trying to figure out what happened and what it means. Maybe the dark mark is an exception to the rule that spells' effects cease when the spell-caster dies. If that's not true, and Riddle is still alive in wraith form, why is he still hanging on, after all the horcruxes were destroyed? First thought was to check that they were really all destroyed, but Department of Mysteries has them now and doesn't seem like they want anybody checking them out. Maybe we'll end up having to sneak in again. It occurs to me that the only one I couldn't personally verify having been destroyed was the ring, which Professor Dumbledore took care of, but I just can't put any stock in the idea that Dumbledore somehow botched that. He didn't make – Tom didn't make any others, I'm sure of that; unless somehow he was paranoid enough to obliviate himself of the memory of making it, just on the odd chance that something would happen like what actually did end up happening, that somebody broke into his mind and discovered them all, and this way – if he obliviated himself – he'd still have one in reserve. But no, he would have found the idea too humiliating to act on: "what if somebody beats me in mind magic?" - you wouldn't have allowed yourself to think of that, not for a second, would you Tom? Excuse me, _my Lord_. How did you like the pot, my Lord? You know I can put you in it again, and again, if you try anything against any of us. I'm actually trying to send that thought across to him. And I'm thinking, if somehow he has a hidden horcrux which I can't dig out of his head, so he's unkillable, maybe that's what I'll do: I'll just keep killing him in increasingly painful ways, every time he comes back, until he gives up. Moves on. But could he do that? Or would he be stuck here on earth?

I hope to God it doesn't come to that, because I don't think I could really do it, keep killing him again and again, be his personal devil in his personal hell. I don't know if I could even do it once more, the first time was so horrible, even if I couldn't feel it. I mean, even if I could work it out so I could possess him, make him die, torture himself and die, without my feeling it as it happened, I don't think I could go through that again.

So I guess we wait, or I wait. It took him four weeks after losing the last body to find something else to crawl around in, so if that happens again it would be about September 11. Bloody hell, I'll be at Hogwarts then, won't I? Hardly given a thought to Hogwarts all summer. Do we have assignments to finish? Just seems bizarre to be thinking about that. Maybe I'll retire from potions. Slughorn would be so puzzled at the drop in performance if I kept on.

**August 16. **Hermione's here; she apparated right over after getting our owl. And she had a mad idea, which was actually scarily possible. It started with "Please, don't blow up at this," which of course made me immediately eager to consider whatever she was going to say calmly and rationally. That was sarcasm; I wonder if there are quills which can recognize that and tag it. . . .

I was half-expecting the quill to start writing back with an advertisement, _You might consider one of our fine line of tone-sensitive quills, available for only a few galleons more..._

Getting distracted.

Hermione said, it was possible that I was imagining the whole thing. At first I didn't know what she meant by "the whole thing," and for one awful tenth of a second or something I was thinking that maybe it meant "all this nonsense about magic and wizards," that this was all a dream I was waking from, but then I looked at the pans scouring themselves in the Burrow and dismissed that. Of course what she meant was feeling out the remnants of Tom, the wraith, thinking I was tracking down the possessed snake. "You're talking of what starts as a vague sense of _feeling_ something," she said, "something that you can't even really put into words; it's very, very easy to seize on that and unconsciously magnify it, convince yourself you are tuned in to some outside source, especially if that's exactly the sort of thing you're expecting and looking for. That's probably what accounts for the great majority of religious experience," she went on; "people who are convinced they're feeling responses from the gods, because they want to get that response and they're expecting that response. And once you think you have that response, it's positive reinforcement for identifying any further similar feelings as true visions."

I was floored, and started to have the reaction Hermione expected, the _are-you-telling-me-I'm-crazy_? reaction, but then I thought about it, and I had to admit, it wasn't all that absurd. I had been obsessing about Voldemort for so long, and I know that's the sort of thing which can make people actually hear voices and have hallucinations, so the idea that it might have made me take some dark feeling in my head, seize on it as a projection from Riddle... that wasn't at all impossible, I had to admit. And maybe that was good news in a way, because it meant that when we really killed the real Riddle, when we found wherever/whatever he was really hiding out in, it would be for good. I thought of that, but then I also thought _the poor snake; I'm responsible for the death of an innocent snake which was just trying to get away from the crazy humans_.

Then Ginny broke in and said, "No, Hermione, that really was Riddle. I could hear the snake telling Harry it was going to kill him."

You can imagine the reaction to that. A couple of dropped plates, wide eyes and gasps all around. I knew it was up to me then to take Ginny's hand very conspicuously and glare around at everybody to convey they message, _Yeah, we're both parselmouths, and for pretty much the same reason; you wanna make something of it?_ And Ginny said "OK, everybody. Get over it. Get over it as fast as you can, OK?" So Molly and Arthur went to their daughter with hugs and reassurances that of course, we would never, it isn't, etc. I'm sounding a bit harsh and cynical about this, I don't know why exactly; I know it must be a shock to the family, brought up to think of parseltongue as a mark of evil, and also being forced to remember the horrible things of second year and the Chamber. But I'm sure Ginny would have preferred everybody to shrug and dismiss it rather than go on with the "our poor baby, of course we don't blame you..." So I said to her, in parseltongue, _You know, this gives us the opportunity to talk to each other without anybody knowing what we're saying, _and she absolutely lit up and replied, _Oh, yes! Let them just try to guess what evil things we're planning to do together_. Then we looked innocently at the rest of the open-mouthed family, daring them to say a word.

But in the end, obviously, we were back where we started. Is Riddle still hanging on to life? If so, how; and how do we destroy him, for good?

** August 17**. Dreamt of the damned snake, it was crying to me, _why did you kill me, you didn't have to kill me, I wasn't on his side_. And it morphed into Snape, God knows why. Because of the similarity of "snake" and "Snape"? Because I think of Snape as the most snake-like Slytherin? Because that's just the sort of weird stuff that happens in dreams?

**August 18.** We went to Grimmauld Place today. Present: McGonagall (chairwoman), Moody, Remus, Tonks-Lupin, Shacklebolt, Jones, Hagrid, Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Fred, George, Hermione, Ron, Ginny and me; H, R and G there under protest, but my insistence. I mean, the old folks of the Order protested, not H, R and G. We wanted to try to find out if there was anything in the place either in terms of Black heirlooms and books, or anything Kreacher could tell us, given that this was the original storage place for the locket horcrux, which would bear on the issue of how horcruxes operate. What a story we heard, from Kreacher, about how the locket got here in the first place . . . .

We had a meeting after that to discuss the Riddle question. (That sounds redundantly repetitive, doesn't it?) Moody, Shacklebolt and Bill – the ones with the most knowledge of dark arts – offered speculations about whether Riddle is gone. Kingsley and Bill thought that he was, that the lingering dark marks are a reflection of the fact that the Death Eaters put some of their own magic into the spells, in the act of accepting it, and so the spell-caster's death, Riddle's death, couldn't entirely remove the effect. That made sense, and gave us a lot of encouragement – at least, it did while I was there, listening to it. (Moody of course said we couldn't let our guard down based on that kind of speculation.) But my gut still says no, he isn't dead, or isn't dead enough. But I don't know how far to trust my gut, or my mental tracking, because even if Hermione turned out to be wrong about the snake, I can't help thinking that her general point was right, that I might be vulnerable to this kind of wishful thinking – I know, "wishful thinking" doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean – so next time, if I do think I've got a lead, it's capture, not kill. Then I can interrogate it and see if Riddle has any clue himself why he's still here polluting the earth.

But maybe that'll turn out to be unnecessary, because McGonagall brought up the fact that Professor Dumbledore's portrait is going to awaken at the beginning of the school year, and we could ask him. I am so looking forward to talking to him again. Even though I know it's not the real Professor Dumbledore; it'll still be good to see his face and hear his voice, even if he can't answer our questions. But if anybody can, he can. So, something special for the last time I'll be at the Hogwarts welcoming. Two months ago I was sure I wouldn't be back at all.

Between now and then, I'm only going to make entries for any really strong twinges along the connection, or any other major developments.

**September 1.**

_I was so relieved. . . . at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side._

What did the naive idiot write in his diary?

_I was so relieved. . . . at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side._

What did the goddamned fool think to himself, after murdering Professor Snape, a brave man spying for our side?

_I was so relieved. . . . at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side._

What did the stupid, smug, self-satisfied murderer say to himself?

_I was so relieved. . . . at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side._

_I was so relieved. . . . at least I wasn't the murderer of a brave man spying for our side._

Right now, the only person I hate more than myself is Dumbledore.

_A/N: I didn't want to cut and paste Kreacher's story about Regulus and the horcrux, so please just suppose it to have been put in the Aug. 18 entry after "What a story we heard from Kreacher..."_


	7. Harry Potter's Diary: Sept 1-Sept 19

**September 1 (continued)**. Most important to know:

1) I'm a horcrux. Dumbledore knew it as soon as he knew that Riddle was making them. Has known it all the while. Planned to get me killed by Riddle, only way to keep him dead for good, as we see now. He tried to sugar-coat it, the old bastard. If things had turned out as he planned, and Riddle had given me the death blow, I might maybe perhaps could have survived because of blood protection he was keeping alive by having taken my blood. How good of you to be looking out for me that way, sir. That's gone now, obviously, burned off in the cauldron. Some of my mother's magic. Hadn't thought of that, that I was destroying a bit of my mother.

2) Snape was on our side. He killed Dumbledore at the old bastard's own request, to cement his position with Riddle, because Dumbledore was dying anyway after putting on the ring horcrux; the withered hand was only the start of it, it was going to spread and kill him within the year, so Dumbledore saw the opportunity to have Snape become a perfect spy, nobody would doubt him again. Thought of all those times I asked about the hand and he blew me off. He was – Snape was on our side because of my mother. He had loved her all his life, been childhood friends, jealous of my dad obviously, lost her completely when he got in with the Death-Eater wannabes of his class and called her a "mudblood." But frantic when he realized the prophecy, the part of the prophecy he carried to Riddle was pointing her as a target, offered himself to Dumbledore to try to save her. Plan was for him – Professor Snape – to tell me I was a horcrux when we had killed the others. What a marvelous, ingenious, delicate plan. Turned to **** immediately, of course, could have turned to **** in a million other ways too, even if I hadn't found out I could control Riddle, but still, how ingenious! I can still imagine Dumbledore with smile and twinkling eyes congratulating himself on coming up with it.

3) The wand – Dumbledore's wand – that landed on my desk a few months ago, that is "The Elder Wand" of legend, legend I know nothing about because of course I didn't grow up with wizards.

I'm just now remembering Dumbledore saying to me, after the DOM raid and Sirius dying, recounting the story of my life and why had done this and not that and said this and not that... anyway, one statement jumps out at me now, that at least with the Dursleys I hadn't grown up as a "pampered prince." Yes, he tosses me in the desert and fourteen years later he congratulates himself that I haven't drowned. Should have known then what a self-satisfied egotist I was looking up to, being taken in by.

So, the wand. Children's story says the three Peverell brothers outwitted Death and he gave each of them a gift, collectively "The Deathly Hallows." There's this wand, "The Death Stick," the unbeatable wand, which can only be passed on to the one who defeats its previous owner. Yes, Hermione, you have spotted the apparent contradiction there. Me too. But according to the wandlore, anyway, I became the wand's master because I defeated Draco, who had defeated Dumbledore when he disarmed him at the tower. Defeated Draco along with the rest of the death-eaters at Malfoy Manor, of course.

And, it seems, I also now possess the two other hallows: the invisibility cloak was passed on down the Peverell line, which became the Potter line. That was the last hallow, and the second was the resurrection stone, which can call up the dead, and that is what was in the ring which Riddle made a horcrux, and which Dumbledore left to me.

That was the story the portrait told me, not in that order, pretty much the reverse order – there's good news (you are the master of the hallows), there's bad news (you've got to die in order to finish Riddle), and there's really bad news (you're a murderer). By the time he got to the end I couldn't control myself any longer, so when it asked me "is there anything else I can tell you, Harry?" I couldn't think of anything useful it could tell me and I couldn't – didn't want to take anything from him even if he had it, so I cast Incendio on it with the elder wand. Went running out and ran right into McGonagall, Professor McGonagall, who could see the smoke coming out of the office and screamed – when she got in and saw what had happened, that dear Albus' portrait had been incinerated – she screamed, came back out and cried "What have you done, Potter? What have you done?" at my back as I was running, halfway down the hall, loud enough to alert everybody in the castle. I just couldn't stop and explain, couldn't talk about it to anybody, not even you guys. Just had to get away.

The big problem, aside from what to do with the horcrux in me, is the mental connection between me and Voldemort. I don't feel like I can do again what I did then, take him over. I can't project the feeling, 'my mother and father would be proud of me,' when I've killed my mother's first friend. Don't think I can produce any kind of 'patronus thought' right now. And if I can't, can I keep him at bay if he turns the tables and comes after me? Could he possess me?

I'm writing this now at Grimmauld Place, and I asked Kreacher not to let anybody in. Can't see anybody right now, can't talk to anybody, I feel like I wouldn't want to have anything to do with anybody who wanted anything to do with me, anybody who could still stand me after what I'd done. And right now I'm not any good to anybody, or to the cause, or to the wizarding world, or to the people I love, who love me back because they don't know what I am. I'm not up to getting rid of Riddle, and if the prophecy is right, that means . . . I don't even want to write down what that means.

So I'd better start trying to put myself together.

I was going to send Hedwig with a letter telling everybody what happened when I realized, oh, she's at Hogwarts. So I told Kreacher that after I finish the letter with all the info, up to here – I mean, all the stuff I've just written today, all the info that Dumbledore gave me, the old bastard – he should take it to Ginny, in private, and she can tell Ron & Hermione. God knows what kind of story is flying through Hogwarts now. It's probably safer this way, less chance it could get intercepted. I don't even know if that matters now, because who would be plotting what?

And as soon as I said that, the obvious answer occurred to me: the Ministry might still be trying to keep an eye on me. And I'm not going to tell Scrimgeour any of this, or the DMLE or DOM. I know what's the first thought that will come into the head of some of them if they knew. And when I do talk to Ginny, and Ron and Hermione, and I'll have to let Remus and Tonks-Lupin know and McGonagall too – when I do talk to them, I'm sure they're all going to be frightened that I'll do the stupid noble thing and look to do exactly that, kill myself to destroy the last horcrux. You don't need to worry about that for a long while, guys, because knowing that was what Dumbledore was aiming at makes it the last thing I'm going to do.

[Pause]

Yeah, that didn't come out right.

I meant, aside from it being very literally the last thing I would do, that I have no intention of doing it, that even if I did think about doing it I would feel so much like spiting the old bastard that I would try my best to live to a hundred. Have to add that to the letter. I'm sure Kreacher won't complain about being a messenger; I fulfilled Regulus' dying wish, so I can do no wrong.

**Sept. 2**. Should have known that wouldn't work. About three minutes after sending Kreacher out to make contact, he comes back: with Ginny.

Me: "Kreacher, I told you not to let anybody in."

Her: "I told him I was the one who actually destroyed the locket, so he couldn't refuse me."

(Kreacher looks at me, like he's trying to look guilty but not quite succeeding.)

Me: "Well, I don't want to talk to anybody now."

Her: "Well that's rather stupid of you, because I'm probably the only one you know who has some real experience with finding out you've done something horrible, and thinking, 'Oh, God, what have I done, how can I live with that?'"

I'm struck dumb, again, for a while.

Me: "I'm sorry. I guess I forgot about that, again. So what's your advice?"

Her answer to that question was to put her arms around me. No more details except to say it didn't go too far beyond that, because neither of us thought this was the time. I don't know how we could know what was for real and what was, "I've got to show him" and "I can't let her down."

And even if we love each other, that doesn't get us to a happy ending, does it?

Back to the facts. Everybody went spare after I left Hogwarts. Instant rumors about how I had gone dark, was possessed by Voldemort's spirit, or had gone mad, which I guess isn't too far off. The going mad part. And there's no real way to counteract that, because I'm certainly not about to let the truth come out. People would really be destroyed, if they knew it wasn't really over, we'd all been lying to them, old Voldie wasn't entirely gone after all. Ginny says she, Ron, Hermione will all figure out some way to fudge it. Not the top priority. The top priority now is to take steps against being possessed, now that I don't have the mental strength to do it to him, and I guess I will need to let some people help, but I don't want too many people to know. For the obvious reasons. Is there some kind of fail-safe magic that would prevent it, like the spell Scrimgeour told me about – probably made it up, but maybe it could be done – where if someone's mind is tampered with, they die? If I can't find something like that, I don't even want to go mentally searching, to see if he's found another host.

One piece of actual advice Ginny gave me was that since I had the resurrection stone, I should use it to talk to Snape, to Professor Snape, tell him how sorry I was. I think I will do that, but not today. And not tomorrow, I don't think. Some time. And maybe he would know about a fail-safe spell, maybe he had one himself. Being a spy under Riddle, he had so many secrets to protect, might have made sense to have that as a fallback. Maybe I'll talk to him sooner rather than later. Sounds really weird, saying that, that "I'll talk to him." Because he's dead. I killed him.

**Sept. 3.** I went back over this diary, looking for all the times I was fawning over Dumbledore, the gratitude, the reverence, towards "the Professor." Tried to cross it all out, but the diary won't let me. Got furious, thought of burning the whole thing up with the Elder Wand. Caught myself just in time.

**Sept. 4**. The dream last night was that I was the new Dark Lord, killed Dumbledore (who was still in the flesh), sat on my throne, smiling to myself, then had a friendly conversation with Tom, who was in my head.

"The strange thing is," I said, "I know I should be fighting you, I should be horrified at all this, but I'm not. How do you account for it?"

"I think you know the answer to that, Harry."

"Because this is what I really want, to get back at them?"

"Of course. And you were never really 'light' in the first place, you just convinced yourself of that."

"I suppose you're right."

"Well then, Harry, shall we go to Azkaban and break the prisoners out? We could resurrect Bella as well..."

And at that point, in the dream, it comes to me that something really horrible is happening, I start resisting, and I wake up.

**Sept. 6.** I talked to Professor Snape. I turned the stone, and he appeared: solid but almost in black-and-white. He waited, still and unsmiling, for me to speak first.

"I'm so sorry. I was wrong about you. You were a g-..."

I was trying to say "You were a good man," but I couldn't get it out. Snape finally spoke.

"If you are trying to say I was a good man, you will not be able to say it. You cannot lie to the dead, and we cannot lie to you. I was not a good man. I was vain and hypocritical and cruel. I escaped my own just punishment but then abused my authority in order to punish others. I did try to redeem myself from the worst of my crimes."

"Did you? Did it all – everything you did to try to bring down Riddle, did that redeem you?"

"We are not allowed to speak of that."

"You did love my mother."

"Yes, I did."

"Do you see her now? Has she forgiven you?"

"We are not allowed to speak of that. One day you will know."

There was a ghost of a smile with that, and I couldn't tell for sure whether it meant he was trying to offer a kind of consolation to me, or whether it meant he felt a touch of satisfaction at the thought that "one day" I would die. Crazy, but I think I prefer the latter; it would mean that his real self was still there, even in death. His real, miserable SOB self.

"And me," I asked, "can you forgive me?"

"I can. If you vanquish the Dark Lord."

I could understand that. I may have been hoping for something more... immediate? unconditional? but I do understand Professor Snape's putting that condition on his forgiveness, and the more I think of it, the more right it seems.

He didn't know anything about the horcruxes or how they worked, whether having one – being one – made me more in danger of possession, or whether or how Riddle could be brought back again, given a body like he was through the ritual after the third task. He only told Pettigrew about it, how to do it, after Pettigrew found him in Albania. "He," Riddle, that is. If he had told anybody else, it would have been Bellatrix, or someone he judged equally loyal. Snape remembers Malfoy whining to him at one point about why was Voldie so angry about nobody having helped him during the years he was apparently gone, what did the dark lord expect from them; that is, Malfoy didn't know anything about how Riddle could have been brought back.

We ought to double check among the prisoners, whether anybody was aware of any other ritual. Don't think he can use the same one a second time, since the Ministry has cremated and scattered every bone which might have belonged to a Riddle or Gaunt. And maybe I'll have to call up Bellatrix. If the dead can't lie, it would be like having her as a prisoner under veritaserum. Wouldn't be quite so intolerable if I thought of it that way.

He didn't know about any fail-safe spell, so that's probably a dead end; if Snape didn't know it, it probably doesn't exist. I'm still going to see if anybody does know, or if such a spell could be constructed.

The last thing Professor Snape asked for surprised me: he wanted me to call up Dumbledore, to give him the opportunity to apologize and for me to forgive him. He seemed to think it was only fair, that if I expected him to forgive me, I should be able to do it for Dumbledore. I said I didn't know if I could do that, not just yet anyway.

**Sept. 7**. Called on Bellatrix. She knew nothing about the ritual. I didn't feel like keeping her around either to gloat about her being dead, or to hear her rant like Auntie Wallburga, so I sent her back immediately.

**Sept. 8.** Called on Regulus. I thought perhaps he would know something more about horcruxes, but he told me that all he knew he gathered from the book Secrets of the Darkest Art, which Hermione had already shown us.

Kreacher got a chance to say goodbye to the master he loved, so it was certainly not a waste of the hallow.

**Sept. 9.** Called on Herpo the Foul, inventor of the horcrux. He hardly had anything human-looking in his eyes, answered questions as if the words were just being forced out of him by magic and he had nothing to do with them anymore. Of course he had come up with a way to restore the soul fragment to a body, the horcrux would have served no purpose if he hadn't. The indispensable elements of any act of necromancy are blood and death, but there are oh so many variations on this, such as... I stopped him after he had listed four of them, couldn't stand listening. Not much point setting them down here either, because there are just too many of them to anticipate, to give us any chance of preventing it if he knows – if Riddle knows more methods. We just have to assume he does, that he could eventually come back in human form, or sort-of-human form; enough to wield a wand, which is the whole point really.

Asked him whether I would be more in danger of possession, since there was a piece of Riddle in me, if the Riddle-wraith, the last substantial piece of him, ever got stronger. Answer was yes. There is a natural attraction between fragments, which is part of how the whole disgusting business works. It's just damned lucky for me that he never was in my head long enough to feel that he had a 'soul-mate' there, because he could have used it as a kind of anchor to lodge himself in me.

And it really is a disgusting business, beyond the fact that it requires murder. The soul fragment that you're sending into the container actually has to pass through the departing soul of the victim, absorb some kind of life force from it. It's like rape added to murder.

So, this is my life now: bringing back the dead so I can prevent someone from bringing back the dead.

**Sept. 10**. Open house day. I was going crazy here, so I told Kreacher to let people come. So everybody came. In age order, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Fleur, Bill, Tonks, Remus, Molly, Arthur, Hagrid and McGonagall. Lots of tears, lots of hugs, lots of instruction not to be too hard on myself, lots of scolding for going hermit on them.

That came out much too sulky and dismissive. It was good to see everybody, and I am grateful for the way you're all supporting me. I'm not going to recount the conversations, though, because the diary isn't for that, and anyway the diary would go to one of you who did the talking and hugging and all, so what's the point?

We still don't have a way to get the horcrux out of me, and Professor McGonagall is certain that if Dumbledore knew of any other way to do so without killing me, he would obviously have told me. I'm sure she's right. And that being the case, we don't know what to do if and when Voldemort finds another snake to inhabit. I asked about the fail-safe protection spell, explained how Scrimgeour mentioned it or maybe bluffed about how it guarantees that I would die if possessed, and everybody jumps up and screams and scolds and forbids me ever ever to say anything about this again, but I'm completely out of patience with this condescending "now don't you worry about that everything will be fine I tell you, fine" crap. Even from Ginny. I just can't stand the idea that I might be his instrument for snatching life from the jaws of death.

But then Remus brought up the prophecy: if I die when Riddle tries to get to me, and the wraith escapes, he still might eventually find a way to get back to full strength and make more horcruxes, and then the only one with the power to vanquish him would be out of the picture.

Don't know what the hell to do about this.

**Sept. 12.** Had a mad idea, almost went through with it. If the dead can only speak the truth, I could call up someone – doesn't really matter who – and start asking for answers to the problems, like "Is the way to avoid being possessed X?" and if the answer is no, I try "So should I do Y," ... et cetera. Obvious problem is that you have to have some kind of idea of what the answer is before you can try it out; you need to have the hypothesis before you do the experiment to test the hypothesis, like we learned in school.

("Scientific Method in Magical Necromancy": That would be a guaranteed hit, wouldn't it, at the next conference of the ICW?)

So I thought I could get around that problem by doing something like Twenty Questions, I would start by trying to say "Does the answer lie in a charm," and if that gets a yes, go on to "does the answer lie in a light charm," and if not then I try saying "is it a dark charm aimed at the one fearing possession," if not, "a dark charm aimed at the one doing the possessing," and keep going, keep narrowing it down.

Then it occurred to me, why stop there? I could use this not only to get out of my predicament, I could pretty much obtain any knowledge at all, if it worked.

Which led me to come down hard, kind of smack myself in the face, because that was just crazy. There couldn't be a simple way to get any answer to any question, that just can't be the way the universe works, and if I tried it I would be like those people in fables, like the fisherman and his wife, who get a magical gift and just try to go further and further and further with it until it all blows up on them. I can't lead myself down that path. If I start whispering to myself "I am the Master of Death, and by the Power of Death I will know All Things," that's the road to madness and destruction. There is no master of death, it's nonsense even to talk about it.

Or maybe I knew, immediately, with such certainty and conviction, that I can't do that sort of thing because only the Master of Death knows that there is no such thing as the Master of Death.

I'd better stop talking about this.

**Sept. 15.** Called on Dumbledore.

So strange to see the man, physically whole now – the withered hand is restored – and he's half-smiling half-crying at me and some of what was left of my rage and resentment seemed to melt away, almost.

I just started by asking, "Why?"

And he said, "I had convinced myself that destroying Tom was all that mattered."

So I said, "No, that can't be right. You can't ever point to something and say that this is the only thing that matters."

"I do realize that, Harry. And I am – and was – sorry."

I paused, and didn't really know what else there was to say. It was something like the reverse of my conversation with Snape. "I was wrong, I know that now, and I can't take it back or make up for it," but I was hearing it instead of saying it. I didn't want to let it go at that, so I asked him, "Was I just a weapon, then?" Maybe because I somehow wanted to hurt him back for the way he hurt me – can you hurt the dead, can they be hurt that way? – or because I still badly wanted to hear him deny it, because he was still so important to me.

"No; I used you, but I still loved you while I was using you."

"I was the more deceived."

I had no idea where that came from, that phrase, and Dumbledore said it was a side-effect of holding the resurrection stone, that at times I would draw knowledge from the realm of the dead without any conscious awareness of the who what and where.

And as I talked more to Dumbledore, I came more and more to see that here was another man who just didn't know what the hell to do about this, even after being a great and powerful wizard for a hundred years. And there really wasn't anything to tell him, or ask him, except that I was able to say that I forgave him, and I'm glad I was able to say it truthfully. So much of the refusal even to think of forgiving him at first had to be a way of deflecting the guilt from myself to him: it was all his fault for putting a target on Snape and setting him up for me to shoot him, not mine for doing the shooting. (You see, Hermione, I'm not so entirely clueless about how this sort of thing works.) I guess that realization has settled in. Now it's a matter of earning Snape's forgiveness, the only way I can.

**Sept. 17.** Another open house day. Some further conversations with you guys about how I might still fight back against any invasion, if Riddle makes his way back. No need to repeat here. (And again, I'm skipping over a lot of personal stuff in this diary for reasons already stated, like how you agreed to go back to Hogwarts without me, etc.)

**Sept. 18.** Bitten by Riddle-snake if this diary gets to you come to #12 ask Kreacher where the snake is it should be bottled and stunned flooing to St. Mungos now.

**Sept. 19.** I was awakened by the pain of the bite, about 1 AM yesterday, and the snake started talking to me, "You can't kill me, but I can kill you, I'll kill you Potter," then he lunged again, got me a little, but I had my wand in my hand by then and stunned it. It got me on the leg, both times. Lower left leg.

I don't think he's really all there; I mean, I don't think Riddle is fully himself, fully in charge of the snake, it may be that he's still relying on the reptile brain and instincts. He doesn't really sound like, talk like, this immensely powerful and knowledgeable dark wizard, he sounds like a stupid, hissing snake looking to kill something that's going to snatch a rat away from it. Maybe it takes a while after possessing something before he can recover himself.

I told Kreacher to put the snake in some glass container and seal it, and I flooed to St. Mungos. It hurt, but not terribly; not as bad as a bludger, for example. The healer saw me immediately, asked me what kind of snake, and I didn't know but I gave a description and he said it must be an adder. "Unluckily for you, that's the only poisonous snake in the British Isles; luckily for you, it isn't really all that potent, not enough to be fatal unless you have an allergy, which I don't think is the case here because you'd probably be in a lot worse shape now if you did."

So, count my blessings: at least I'm not living in Australia. Because then Riddle could have picked any of about thirty-seven creatures that would have had me down and out for good with one bite.

I'm fine, healers took care of the bite and administered the anti-venom, no problem really. I'm back at #12. The snake was re-stunned and re-re-stunned, not sure how long I have to do this or how often, not sure whether to tell everybody that Riddle is back in snake form. Problems either way.

It must still be able to flee in wraith form, so there's no point in killing the snake. It might just flee in wraith form as soon as it awakens from the stunning, so it can come back and try again as another snake. It must have been probing the house for an underground entrance point for a while. Probably found me the same way I found him, through the connection. And that's a scary – a very troubling thought. OK, a scary thought, no point in denying it since I can't cross it out anyway.

How much has Riddle read in my mind? Does he know I'm a horcrux? Can't, he wouldn't have tried to kill me then, would he? Maybe he would, if he's still fanatically occupied with the prophecy, and thinks with me gone he can't be killed, he'll just work his way up from snake to human like he did last time, then make more horcruxes. Can he, or has he reached his limit? Nobody to consult on this question, either in this world or the next, because nobody ever tried to make six/seven before he did. So for now, stunning spells and more stunning spells until I figure something out. If I knew how to make Draught of Living Death, maybe that would be the answer. Assuming it works on reptiles, especially on possessed reptiles. I could ask Snape. "Say, Professor, I understand that if you add an infusion of wormwood to powdered root of asphodel..."

But even if I had the recipe, it would be too hard to make on my own, and then I'm back at the question of whether to tell anybody else. I really don't want to, because then everybody pours in here and it becomes a 24-hour suicide watch for the rest of my life. And they wouldn't be entirely wrong to worry about that, because I'm already thinking about setting up a magical "dead man's switch" where the bottom of the jar I've got the snake in would be cut away and then re-attached to the sides by a sticking charm, then the bowl is put over a cauldron full of instant-acting poison or something, so if I die the charm stops working and the snake gets immediately dumped in the cauldron. Shouldn't be too hard, with all the crap you can find at #12.

But I don't want it to come to that. Don't want it come to asking someone to put that fail-safe spell on me either. If I ask, it will make people ask questions about why I'm thinking about this now, and before you know it it all comes out about the snake.

Damn it, it might come out anyway. I should have asked the Healer to make a magical vow not to tell anybody about it, because if it gets out that Harry Potter was bitten by a snake, there are plenty of people who will jump to the right conclusion, and not just everybody at the Burrow, not just everybody on our side. Do Healers' vows of confidentiality go that far anyway? I might not have much time if they don't; things might be taken out of my hands very soon.

If it comes out through the Healer, or if I just tell people in the Order, eventually it will get back to the Ministry, and somebody will try to take over the care and feeding of the Riddle-snake, and... it won't end well. If they do snatch it, there will be somebody, some unmarked follower or sympathizer, who'll find out and free the snake. And it all starts over again.

And if I keep it here by myself, eventually I'll slip up with the stunning charm, Riddle will wake up, maybe stronger, maybe strong enough to attack me through the connection. And I still don't know if I have what it takes to drive him back, because I still can't think that my parents would be proud of me, after what I did, even if I don't feel quite as awful and worthless as I did a couple of weeks ago, and I can't think right now of any other kind of 'patronus thought' that will let me control it, him.

I guess I have to think of it, then. Think of the dead-man's switch and the fail-safe spell. But there's something whispering to me, saying not only that I don't want to die, but that trying to vanquish Riddle by suicide just wouldn't work, for reasons I can't express. I know this might just be my life-wish manipulating me, my subconscious making me think that this is a message coming to me because I'm master of the deathly hallows and that gives me some sort of instinct about the ways of death. I know that might be it, but I can't ignore it. I think the whisper is telling the truth: that's not how the prophecy could be fulfilled.

If he somehow wins, possesses me, then he becomes the master of the hallows. He has the elder wand. He can do what Dumbledore worried about with Grindelwald, use the resurrection stone to raise a zombie army. And –

I will not, ever, ever let him put one finger or one scale on my dad's cloak.

I didn't really want to do this, I didn't really want to face my parents, but I have to call on them; I need to know if there's anything they can tell me, anything they can say to me –

I know what to do. This ends now.

_A/N For the next and final chapter, I will be dropping the diary format and returning to traditional 3rd-person narration._


	8. September 20, 1997

Harry talked through a last-minute diary entry in which he told his friends about the snake, explained what he was about to do, and warned that if it didn't work, and they received this diary, it meant Voldemort had killed him or – worse – possessed him. When he was finished, he called Kreacher in.

"If you see me come out of this room," he said, "and I look at all funny - funny-peculiar, I mean, not myself, like if I have red eyes or I've got some leering grin - get out immediately, take this diary with you to Hermione Granger at Hogwarts, and tell her 'it all went to hell: read the last entry'. You got that?"

Kreacher gave Harry an offended look. "House elves are not fooled by those pretending to be our masters," he said. Harry stuttered out his thanks for this reassurance, and Kreacher bowed and departed.

Harry stared for a long while at the stunned snake in its glass container. He didn't want this to be the last thing he saw before death, and started thinking about how he needed to change his plans or rearrange the room in order to avoid that fate, but – realizing he was only indulging in obvious delaying tactics – he shoved these thoughts down in frustration. Then he took a deep breath, grasped the resurrection stone and called out,

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Immediately, a handsome schoolboy appeared, holding a diary, next to the motionless snake. For a split second Harry saw a much thinner ghostly presence surrounding the sixteen-year-old Tom, a form Harry recognized as Moaning Myrtle, but it vanished the moment Tom solidified. Harry had not been prepared for this, but he knew (without knowing exactly how he knew it) that the fragment of Myrtle's soul – the fragment used to keep the horcrux 'alive' – had been able to free itself of the horcrux's possession the moment that she and it were exposed once more to air and light. He took a great deal of satisfaction at the thought that Riddle's work was being undone, and felt stronger and more confident as he said, again,

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

A still-handsome, late-teenaged male appeared on the other side of the snake, holding Slytherin's ring, and a ghostly Tom Riddle Senior appeared and vanished.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

A twenty-something figure appeared, holding Hufflepuff's cup, and Hepzibah Smith appeared and vanished. Like the other ghosts, she sent a grateful glance towards Harry before she left.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

A virtually identical figure, holding Slytherin's locket; a male ghost came and went, his face unfamiliar, but Harry seemed to hear a name, _Thomas Domville_ (whispered by a female voice, oddly enough) and made a pledge to himself to look it up (if he survived) and see to it the name was not forgotten.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

And now an older, paler, more twisted version of the formerly attractive man, holding Ravenclaw's diadem, and a young woman finding her freedom. _Elaine Hughes, _the whisper said, and Harry stored that name, too.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Finally, a small, grotesque-looking homunculus squatted next to the others, with a snake much larger than himself wrapped around him, from whom Bertha Jorkins' spirit fled.

All six of the Riddles, three on either side of the snake, were turning towards the Riddle-adder and staring at it with looks of savage hunger. None could speak or move, Harry knew, until he gave them permission.

Harry held the resurrection stone for a while, preparing to use it one last time, then turned it three times and whispered,

"James and Lily Potter."

He had tried his best to prepare himself to see his dead parents for what would be the third time, and almost certainly the last time this side of the veil: first in the mirror of Erised, near the beginning of his life as a wizard; then at the graveyard at Little Hangleton, at the most terrible event of his life; and now, at the moment which would determine his future. They were more solid, more colorful than he expected, more alive than any of the dead he had called on before, and they smiled at him, then hugged him. He had never touched or been touched by the dead before, but this touch had nothing of the unnatural in it.

"You'll stay with me?"

"Always."

They took their places on either side of him, or maybe a little in front of him, as if to stand between Harry and the seven Riddles on the other side of the room. He raised the phoenix-feather wand, pointed it at the adder and incanted "Renervate." Then he delved unhesitatingly into the hybrid human-serpent mind, as he had done to the Riddle-serpent at the Burrow before he had discovered the awful truth from Dumbledore. Harry felt the angry snake-man beginning to stir, waken, and gather itself for an attack. He surrounded it then with a thought, a thought he felt with firm conviction to be true, and which he knew was true when he heard himself pronounce it out loud in the presence of those who would not permit any falsehood to be spoken:

_"_My mother and father love me, no matter what._"_

Harry felt Voldemort's spirit halt and struggle against the mental bonds with which Harry was squeezing him, and heard it fight back with all that was left to it, words: "_You know what you are, don't you, Potter? You are a fool who was led by the nose by Dumbledore; you're a murderer who leapt at the chance to kill, kill, kill, and killed one of your own in your blind, ignorant rage; you're a double fool now, putting everything you love at risk because of your need to be the Conquering Hero."_

Harry did not know for certain whether Riddle also had to tell the truth in the presence of the dead, or whether the rule didn't apply since Riddle hadn't either summoned or been summoned by the dead, or whether it just was too small a fragment of a human soul to be bound by any 'sacred' laws. It didn't ultimately matter, for he felt his parents' arms tighten around his waist and shoulders and said, again,

_"_My mother and father love me_, no matter what!"_

The mental cage tightened still more around Voldemort, and the last living and conscious piece of the Dark Lord's spirit was carried out of the adder, towards his alter egos who waited for their chance to consume him. Harry could also feel something lift out and away from behind his scar, the unintended horcrux hurrying out as if it felt James and Lily's presence and couldn't bear it. The last horcrux, and the last original piece of Riddle's soul, were both now in near-corporeal form, like a translucent, blackish pensieve fluid, floating almost within the grasp of the six revenant horcrux-Riddles.

Voldemort tried to break free from his possessor one last time: "_You will have no life after this, Potter; they will know what you are and they will turn from you, perhaps even join the Ministry in hunting you down as a dangerous thing of darkness._" And Harry responded, one last time,

_"_My mother and father love me**,**_** no matter what!**__"_

And then he gave his last order to them: "_Conjuge_: join yourself!"

Between the power of Harry's mental control over them, and the power of attraction between soul-mates which Herpo had spoken of, the two fluid-like soul-pieces seemed almost eager to obey, seemed to spread and pour themselves over the six Riddles whom Harry had called from death. Somehow the six old horcrux-Riddles were dissolving themselves and using the two last fragments as a grotesque kind of paste with which to re-form themselves into one body.

There was an indescribable motion of souls in that 'space' of their own which wasn't quite up-and-down or side-to-side, a kind of whirlwind of dark matter and finally, after perhaps a minute or less, one figure was standing where before there had been six, or seven or eight. It was a man of about seventy, and he looked it, though he was still recognizably the same man who had once been the brilliant, handsome schoolboy. And what happened next was the one event of the day, or of the whole of his magical life, which Harry found the most astonishing, stranger and more shocking by far than time travel or phoenixes being reborn or all the rest: the seventy-year-old Tom Marvolo Riddle, aka Lord Voldemort, turned towards Harry with a sorrowful expression, and bowed to him.

Harry turned the stone to banish Riddle back into Death's realm for good, and spent the next few minutes crying uncontrollably in the arms of his mother and father. And then, it was time for them to say goodbye as well.

**Sept. 19 (later) **. . . so I turned the stone, and they were gone.

I felt pretty pleased with myself for coming up with that way of using the stone to dispose of Riddle for good, and rather stupid for having such trouble coming up with a thought which could repel him. My explanation or excuse, I guess, is that I'd become trapped in the idea that it had to be some 'power' of mine that would win, that it needed to be the things I had done, the things that made my parents proud of me - being brave and such - which had to supply the mental force that would overpower Riddle. Not just this kind of passive thing, this being the recipient of the kind of steadfast love that I could never earn or deserve. That wasn't wizardly enough. But it is, isn't it? If that isn't magical, what is?

[Pause]

So... tomorrow I think I'll show up for breakfast at Hogwarts and say "Hey, guys, anything interesting happen while I was away? Because I've got a story or two..."

If only. I really don't know how everybody will react to hearing the story; incredibly good news, obviously; huge relief, obviously; but also probably a large chunk of "why didn't you trust us? why wouldn't you let us help you?" Especially Ginny. She might even wonder if I couldn't have used her feelings for me as a patronus thought, but – just the fact that I don't even know if I can say "Her love for me," tells the story. And why should I be so sure of it, we're 17 and 16, we're not at a time to be sure of anything, certainly not stake-your-life-on-it sure. And I think I can also give some good reasons for keeping the whole thing from them until it was over. But, I don't know... maybe I can't fully answer except by talking about _the feeling_, the feeling which might be a psychotic delusion, that I had some special instinct about how this had to be done, since I'm the favorite child of Death or something.

Speaking of which, I tried to destroy the hallows, and found I couldn't. Even using the elder wand to try to crack or burn the others, didn't work. Couldn't break the elder wand either. So I tried to _give _them back; in effect, I tried to contact Death, and said, "Take these back or, if that would be too show-offy, to make them vanish, at least take back their power." I waited for a moment, feeling pretty stupid, and then tried using the wand: and _it didn't work_; I couldn't cast anything with it. Felt full of excitement, so I tried the stone: _it didn't work anymore either_. But when I put on the invisibility cloak and stood in front of the mirror, the cloak was working just fine. So it hit me, it was all in my mind. The magical objects which required intent – the wand and the stone – wouldn't work for me, because I didn't want them to work, and the cloak isn't something that relies on that, so of course it still worked.

I guess this will be my last entry.

**Sept. 20 (early morning). **One more entry, to tell about this dream.

I was sleeping – I mean, in the dream, I was sleeping – and got shaken awake, and there was a young woman sitting by me on the bed, looked about Tonks' age; black-haired, dressed in black, with a funny-shaped pendant on her necklace. "It's called an Ankh," she said, and I knew, the way you know things in dreams, that this was Death.

"You're a lot better-looking than you are in your pictures," I said. (I sort of knew it was a dream so I didn't worry about the consequences of sassing Death.) She laughed and said "Everyone says that."

"So, what brings you here?" I asked. (I also somehow knew she hadn't come to take me with her.)

"I have a little gift for you," she said.

"Is it something that comes with the Hallows? Because I really did want to give those back to you; as long as you're here, you can pick them up."

"I know, Harry, and I did take back the power of the wand and the stone. I thought I'd let you keep the cloak, because that's more of a family thing, and I didn't want to deprive you of something that mattered so much to you for that reason."

"Wow, that's really nice of you. Wait, does that mean I can hide from you?"

She laughed again.

"That's why I like you so much, Harry. You ask that as if you don't want to take unfair advantage of me. Don't worry about it, I'm really not out to hunt you down, and I don't think you're going to try spending your life hiding out under that cloak so that you'll never have to die."

"God, no. I don't think even Riddle would do that."

She looked thoughtful, like she wasn't quite sure if he wouldn't do exactly that if given the chance. I wondered if she took any special satisfaction at getting Riddle in the end after all his machinations against her, but if she read my thoughts this time she didn't respond to them.

"Back to the subject," she said. "I thought you deserved something, after giving up the Hallows. That, and I think you're kind of cute." (I blushed.)

She produced a bag, and she poured out its contents on the bed. It was a whole bunch of those little Ankhs, like she had around her neck.

"Each of these," she said, "represents a life I would have had to take earlier, if you hadn't stopped Riddle at Malfoy Manor. I know you still feel awful about Severus, and you always will. But this is part of the other side of things, not that I'm saying one side undoes the other. Pick one up."

I picked up one of the Ankhs now strewn on the bed, and I saw Charity Burbage taking the killing curse at the Manor.

"Another."

I picked up another, and Mad-Eye Moody was plummeting to his death from a broom.

"Another."

Scrimgeour assassinated by Riddle, a family in Germany killed by Riddle, Bathilda Bagshot, Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell.

Dobby.

Remus.

Tonks.

Fred.

Many, many more.

"I could never have believed Death had undone so many," I said. "Wait, where the hell did that come from?"

She smiled.

"As I said," she went on, "one side doesn't undo the other. But from time to time, particularly when you're getting too broody and angsty, you're going to be walking in your dream, and you'll find yourself with these Ankhs in your hand, and you'll think again of the people who have more of a life because of what you did, and of the friends you still have that you might have lost in a different world."

"Well, thanks again. You know, you're also a lot nicer than you are in the stories. But why come to me in a dream this way, why not just show up during the day and give me this?"

"Think of it as a way of preserving plausible deniability, Harry. Whenever you think of this, you won't say to yourself, 'I spoke with Death!'; you'll say, 'what an interesting dream I had about Death'!"

"I guess that makes sense."

She patted my cheek.

"See you later, Harry. Much later." And I woke up.

And said to myself, "What an interesting dream I had about Death!"

END

_The portrayal of Death here is of course taken from Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" saga. (I didn't think it was a big enough part to make this count as a crossover, though.)_

"_I could never have believed Death had undone so many" was Dante's reaction on seeing the souls in the Inferno. Contact with Death herself, like contact with the resurrection stone, sometimes brings knowledge of appropriate old quotations._


End file.
